One more day until the weekend will greet us with open arms, may it be a warm hug or to finally strangle us and take us out of this misery called «living through a pandemic: your once in a lifetime experience». But no one should be picky right now, a touch is a touch. It’s not like spontaneous hookups will happen anytime soon in the future. But in case it’s the warm embrace of a good ol› hug, remember your manners and offer the weekend no, not gold, frankincense and myrrh, but steak and booze. The traditional greeting gift for friends, family and strange neighbours you don’t want to piss off because they have an unusal big garden and many shovels. Another gift of course are our gems, so please enjoy!
[being escorted out of art gallery] I didn't touch the painting, and anyway it was already dry
— cap’n watsisname (@capnwatsisname) February 4, 2021
"You is kind, you is smart, you is important, you have a master's degree," I whisper to myself as I struggle with my son's 2nd grade math assignments
— Christina Crawford (@Xtina_Crawford) February 3, 2021
[extremely Beastie Boys voice] pic.twitter.com/wbmZRhpZNp
— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) February 3, 2021
My kink is having no plans and being alone. By myself.
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) February 3, 2021
I hate the fact that my neighbours are living next to me.
— Ava (@avainwordland) January 29, 2021
James Corden acts gay for two hours and gets a Golden Globe nomination, I act straight for 23 years and all I get is trauma
— Justin Randall (@imjustinrandall) February 3, 2021
jesus: one of you will betray me
me: *just trying to enjoy my soup* is it for killing the fucking vibe?
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 4, 2021
Is this just a seasonal item? pic.twitter.com/FLt9Z66om0
— michele_neumann_pashia (@MichelePashia) February 2, 2021
Fight Club, but it’s just me and my pocket on a door handle.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) February 3, 2021
I only keep Facebook to watch people who were mean to me in high school botch their third marriages.
— Ozzy (@ozzyunc) February 3, 2021