Welcome, welcome to the first 2021 issue of Best of Twitter! It’s a brand new year and since last year didn’t exactly turn out as planned we did everything in our power to make 2021 better for all of us. So, actually we tried to do the exact opposite of everything we did all the New Year’s Eves before which basically means we didn’t wake up on a strange dude’s couch wearing nothing but a wig and cowboy boots. Nope, not this year! For the sake of all of us we stayed in bed waiting for 2021 to arrive and searching the internet for all the best Tweets. Happy new year everybody! It’s going to be great!
When I was really poor, me & Jane used to celebrate New Year’s Eve by staying at home & just sitting on the couch, getting drunk, watching repeats of ‘Bullseye’ on a tiny TV. Now our TV is massive.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) December 31, 2020
Checking on your kids after they go to bed and watching them sleep is important because otherwise how would you feel bad about the terrible things you thought about them during the day
— Dan Mangan (@danmanganmusic) December 31, 2020
Someone on tiktok referred to masturbation with no vibrator as “acoustic” and I’m gonna need 3-5 business days to recover.
— jessi ✨ evermore (@bibliojessi) December 29, 2020
After 2020 I’m never going to question why they keep opening up Jurassic Park despite obvious safety issues.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) January 1, 2021
men be like “i can’t commit” and then stay friends with the worst people their whole lives
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) December 30, 2020
Just finished an hour long unsuccessful resuscitation of a 16 year old in cardiac arrest. Tell me again how a lockdown is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you.
— Bob Hawkins (@Bobbo80) December 30, 2020
Reading Mein Kampf and shaking my head the whole time so the people on the bus know I disagree with it
— Kafka, Esq. (@metalgearobama) December 30, 2020
No negativity in 2021 unless it’s Covid or pregnancy tests
— Daisy (@theog_dc) December 30, 2020
I am a WRITER ok I open up my little computer when I have an IDEA and then I BUY THINGS on the INTERNET
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) December 29, 2020
With gratitude, I celebrate 45 years of sobriety. pic.twitter.com/fxzMRGlI4m
— Anthony Hopkins (@AnthonyHopkins) December 29, 2020