Hickory dickory dock, it’s almost beer o’clock! Hell yes, today is the least favourite day of the week. To make things even worse, it’s Monday the 13th. We are 100 percent sure that even Jason Voorhees dislikes it. But thank god it’s nearly over. So if you had a bad day, sit back and relax. Enjoy our best picks for today!
what the fuck goin on pic.twitter.com/lM4y03PBPZ
— Gio (@Krazygioo) January 11, 2020
I had to buy a pregnancy test once and the cashier excitingly was like “omg!! what are you hoping for??” and I awkwardly was like… “uhh a negative..” and she looked so stunned and embarrassed and honestly she should have because DONT DO THAT.
— 𝔤𝔬𝔱𝔥 𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔶 (@kieradxni) January 11, 2020
This is the one pic.twitter.com/s4tArgf5TI
— Raúl™ (@BenitezO464) January 11, 2020
i cannot believe
I CANNOT BELIEVE
I C A N N O T B E L I E V E
that some of you out there spent $75 on a fucking candle that smells like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina
this goddamn candle IS SOLD OUT
all of you need a time out
you're all fired
TIME FOR JAIL
— Elizabeth May (@_ElizabethMay) January 11, 2020
One thing no one ever talks about being an adult is how much time you debate yourself on keeping a cardboard box because it’s, like, a really good box.
— Madame Anthro ✨💀 (@madameanthro) January 10, 2020
Saying “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee”
– Rude and cliché
– Indicates that you want post-coffee conversation
Saying “Don’t talk to me”
– Still rude but less cliché
– Applies to all times of day
– Not contingent on coffee consumption
— the drake gatsby 🐻 (@DrakeGatsby) January 10, 2020
Oh my God.
These baby Kangaroos were rescued from the fires in Australia and people are now taking care of them 😭pic.twitter.com/iowCxdvrTr
— Joshua Potash (@JoshuaPotash) January 9, 2020
when i go to a party and i only know one person pic.twitter.com/gParHjg9FN
— 🎋🎐〽️ (@KimmyMonte) January 12, 2020
10 year old with broken leg texts: Hey can you please bring me a pop tart?
Me: It’s too late.
10: I have a broken leg that you made me soak in the tub instead of going to a doctor.
Me: Chocolate or strawberry frosted?
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 12, 2020
My Dad: You shouldn’t look at your phone while you drive
Also My Dad: *flips through a 47-page Mapquest printout while driving*
— not brendan (@crocodilethumbs) January 2, 2020