So there are only a few more days left, until we are over what historians will call «the orange episode». We really don’t envy future students, when they will be asked to open the three books that cover the first half of January 2021. Hopefully by then there are still students. Or books. Or an earth, while we’re on the topic. But it doesn’t matter if we’re walking into a brighter future without Mango Mussolini or enjoy ourselves in the newest terror dome in a few years, fighting for the right to be the next person having five minutes of fresh air, one thing will hopefully never change: Our gems of the day. Enjoy.
me: Hey, I gotta go, what’s your address so we can talk about this later?
— Midge (@mxmclain) January 16, 2021
Due to personal reasons, everyone has to be nice to me for the rest of the week. It is the law & if you don't respect the law, please consider that if you are mean to me: I will cry.
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) January 16, 2021
$1,400 is perfect! My rent is $16 a month and I don’t eat food
— Alyssa Stonoha (@astonoha) January 15, 2021
i just got the vaccine and the microchip that’s now in my brain came with another free U2 album
— bailey moon (@Baileymoon15) January 13, 2021
If you had to be killed by a product mascot who would it be? Personally I’d like to go the way of the honey comb cereal monster pic.twitter.com/7qNXD9ODWT
— Saddington 2 (@2Saddington) January 15, 2021
I once got offered $800 to sleep with a married couple…
The government gave me $600 to go fuck myself
— CORA KAI (@filmswithcora) January 15, 2021
When some ppl hear minimum wage hike, they sit straight down in a imaginary CEO chair at their imaginary company & start thinkin about how paying their imaginary employees would hurt their imaginary company's bottom line & report back to us like, "thats gonna be a no from me dog"
— Flick (@Frediculous) January 15, 2021
me: do you have any kids?
date: one son that’s just under two
me: yah i know how to count
— kie (@kieransofar) January 15, 2021
Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.
— sophielou (@sophielou) January 15, 2021
I once banged the Michelin Man…it was tiresome
— slick nic (@R_2_PEE_2) January 16, 2021