It’s a cold Sunday, there’s nothing like a visit to a cozy cafe, is there? So please take a seat in the Best-Of-Twitter-Cafe, order a coffee, tea or hot chocolate and relax. With the hot drink, we serve standardly a plate of laugh cookies and the 10 funniest Tweets of the day.
Wife: you need to get rid of these jeans.
Me: but I’ve had them forever.
Me: I love them and by keeping them I’m reducing my carbon footprint. Fast fashion etc.
Wife: there’s a giant crotch hole in them. I can see your balls.
Me: you’re welcome?
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) January 12, 2020
coworker: “so yeah you basically don’t eat for a prolonged period and it makes you skinny… it’s called intermittent fasting!!”
me: “oh ya i went to treatment for that but i think they called it something else”
— badgirlkiki (@badgirlkiki_) January 17, 2020
me: im depressed
dog: what's depressed
me: it's when everything feels like shit
dog: like hungry
me: sorta, but it's constant
dog: [nodding] like hungry
— conscious robot (@robots_feel) January 16, 2020
If I owned the wardrobe from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe I would simply not get involved in any drama and just use Narnia as extra closet space
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) January 18, 2020
That card works on everything 😂 pic.twitter.com/jwaeQRCEsx
— College Student (@ColIegeStudent) January 17, 2020
I googled why cats sleep next to their owners and apparently it’s bc in the wild sleeping at night is dangerous so they’re just trying to protect you 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
— Abby Govindan (@abbygov) January 19, 2020
my kid can be gay, trans, a theater kid but I draw the line at a child with a peanut allergy
— m (@okaishawty) January 18, 2020
Welcome to Twitter. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) January 18, 2020
Joseph Ducreux (1735 –1802) was a French painter who is known primarily for his unorthodox self-portraits pic.twitter.com/8yaBsMvCTt
— 41 Strange (@41Strange) January 17, 2020
Brain: did you have a good day
Me: uh yeah it was ok
Brain: cool cool cool… want to think about some shitty stuff for the next 4.5 hours
Me: yeah ok
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 17, 2020