Happy New Year! A new decade has started. Everybody is in a positive mood, motivated and maybe a little bit hungover from New Years Eve. Do you have your resolutions for 2020 already? If not we have the best one for you. Read every single Best of Twitter Post! To make sure you start this well, we proudly present our Daily top ten Tweets of the day!
Catholicism: where bad touching starts at the top. https://t.co/Q9Fd48omt5
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 1, 2020
i think it’s pretty cool that we can all agree on the most fucked up thing of the past decade.
it wasn’t ebola
it wasn’t trump
it wasn’t even blake shelton getting sexiest man of the year
it was that damn U2 album that apple decided to just download to everyone’s iphone
— yeet lover’s pizza (@chunkyfila) January 1, 2020
wake up still drunk✅
17 unread texts✅
girlfriend won’t talk to me✅
friends pissed at me✅
knocked over 3 drinks last night✅
left my card at the bar✅
half eaten pizza in my bed✅
phone on 3%✅
smell like tequila✅
work in 30 minutes✅
I’m off to a good start in the new year!
— blondie wasabi (@bIondiewasabi) January 1, 2020
Ladies, it’s the ‘20s! Time to bob our hair, shorten our skirts, and vote like we’ve never voted before
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) January 1, 2020
Don Jr’s wife looks like if you tried to draw Melania from memory pic.twitter.com/S093pJHwlV
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) January 2, 2020
me: if the prince truly loved cinderella he would remember her face. he just had a foot fetish and great resources.
guy: where is our regular priest
— ⚠️maxx⚠️ (@climaxximus) January 2, 2020
i relate to wikipedia’s ethos of being a useful resource while also constantly pleading for help
— al (@local__celeb) January 2, 2020
friend from high school: yeah so i got married, had a kid, started a charity to help the poor, and now i’m making mid-six figures at my dream job. hbu?
me: [taking the wheels out of my heelies] i’ve recently gotten really into hummus
— viking (@notviking) January 2, 2020
ME: So, what’s your power?
AQUAMAN: I talk to fish.
ME: I can do that.
AQUAMAN: They talk back.
ME: Oh, are fish—are they good conversationalists?
AQUAMAN: They scream constantly. Terrified of water.
ME: That sounds kinda awf—
AQUAMAN: Yeah, no, it’s fucking awful.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 1, 2020
– Already happened 100 years ago
– Sounds exhausting
– Dinosaurs roar and they’re scary
– Naps are a form of self-care
– A napping dinosaur is a dinosnore and that’s just adorable
— the drake gatsby 🐻 (@DrakeGatsby) January 1, 2020