Joe Biden is the President of the United States for a few days now, and not gonna lie, there’s a strange feeling in the air: Boredom. No hateful tweets live from the bathroom at 2am, a press secretary that knows her stuff and isn’t gaslighting the press corps at the White House briefings, not even the constant fear of a sitting president loosing his shit over an overcooked cheeseburger and asking for the nuclear football. And it’s a good feeling. We like boring after four years of living in a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode. We even miss the murder hornets a little bit, perhaps the writers of 2021 consider giving them a surprise comeback. It would be nice, and the alcohol industry is already waiting for some kind of spinoff. You know what’s also nice? Our gems for today. Enjoy!
#1:
it's very very easy to get on twitter or a podcast and just sneer at everyone and everything and be negative and condescending and full of yourself and offer no constructive suggestions or positive opinions on how to make anything better. and that's why i do it, because it's easy
— Rich Lather (@allahliker) January 21, 2021
#2:
I'm at the age where using a bad pillow will cripple you for 8-12 months
— Trey (@treydayway) January 23, 2021
#3:
Ted Cruz is what happens when Elmer Fudd cosplays as Yosemite Sam
— President Warren G. Harding, Zero Impeachments (@PopeAwesomeXIII) January 22, 2021
#4:
I have a long memory and a short fuse and a standing alibi.
— Shay (@GloryHoleBarbie) January 22, 2021
#5:
going thru pornhub and 👎ing any vid where I don’t see wedding rings
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) January 22, 2021
#6:
I don't know about you, but this is the winner for me. pic.twitter.com/4e3B0N60N1
— Dan Chibnall 🖐🏻 🧼 😷 (@bookowl) January 21, 2021
#7:
*my 6yo gets her flu shot and starts crying*
me: *annoyed mumbling* omg i cannot believe i’m raising an antivaxxer this is so embarrassing
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 22, 2021
#8:
My therapist says "being eaten by a bear" is not a "goal".
— Jules (@asaltiercorpse) January 22, 2021
#9:
news reporter: when you get to the moon what will you do first
astronaut: [a werewolf] normal stuff
— LOLY SCiONIC (@OllyiConic) January 22, 2021
#10:
[Cartoon villain helpdesk]
Helpdesk: hello what’s ur emergency
Villain: I’m trying to get away with something
Helpdesk: ok
Villain: but there’s these meddling kids
Helpdesk: (almost drops phone) you need to get the fuck out of there right now
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) January 22, 2021
