Friday is here and I know the first thing that everyone is going to do and no it is not turning up! It is coming here and checking to see what have we posted. Also, for those of you who are stuck late night in the office on a Friday night, do not worry because we got you covered. We have enough content to not only entertain you but to entertain everyone at the office! That is right, it is now time for our daily top ten Tweets. Enjoy đ!
#1:
Me: Parent-teacher conferences are tomorrow.
7-year-old: So?
Me: You're not worried at all?
7: I do all my bad stuff at home.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2020
#2:
mugger: empty your wallet right now
me: ok *dumps out a bunch of old receipts*
mugger: wait, what?
me: *runs away gleefully*
mugger: thereâs one from 2014!
mugger: itâs just for gas!
mugger: why did you still have this?!?
— đ„š Kate (@Kateness8) January 23, 2020
#3:
If we dated before i turned 18 youâre not my ex .. youâre my childhood friend
â â„ (@seIfcontained) January 23, 2020
#4:
[first day as a Detective]
me: omg he was invisible
partner: thatâs a chalk outline
me: [under breath] and they stole the body
— pilau (@FU_TangClan) January 22, 2020
#5:
I cannot believe my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. Thatâs strike one buddy. Two more instances like that and youâre gonna get a warning
— Mat (@matchu_chutrain) January 24, 2020
#6:
parents: âhave you fed the dogâ
me: âyesâ
the dog looking at me bc im lying: https://t.co/iGzeWI3RXG
â đ©đ€đŁđźÙ (@tonyIol) January 23, 2020
#7:
white ppl will have a son named Rex they walk on a leash but have a dog named Steven they keep in a stroller
— Ù (@Grandpa) January 23, 2020
#8:
women are so strong, when I cheated on my girlfriend 11 times, we were able to work thru it and stay together, but when I found out she got lunch with her male coworker once, I wasnât strong enough to stay in that relationship knowing she betrayed my trust like that
— blondie wasabi (@bIondiewasabi) January 23, 2020
#9:
Wife: Guess who said their first words today?
Me: He didn't!
Wife: Yes he did!
Me: omg what did the dog say?
Wife: I was talking about your son
Me: He said a whole sentence?!!
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 23, 2020
#10:
Is it a garbage truck? https://t.co/Fmpwe1nWTL
— Wendy's (@Wendys) January 23, 2020