Hey everybody, it’s saturday again, do you all enjoy to finally being able to catch a break, relax and having some takeout food with your significant other? Or did you only enjoy eating takeout and getting to the chores you missed because you were too busy reading our daily top ten updates? Okay, let’s not dive deeper into that topic, we got you. Have fun!
#1:
Nobody asks me about my favourite dinosaur anymore. Being a grown-up is bullshit.
โ ๐ด Nom de Benoรฎt (@NomDeBenoit) January 24, 2020
#2:
eye doctor: your results aren’t good
me: can I see them
eye doctor: probably not
โ โ ๏ธmaxxโ ๏ธ (@climaxximus) January 24, 2020
#3:
[rubs lamp]
[genie appears]
genie: you have threeโ
me: incredible! i can't believe my luck!
genie: seconds
me: what
genie: two
me: until what
genie (pulling out a gun): one
— phil (@PhilJamesson) January 23, 2020
#4:
Listen, sneaking snacks into the theater is a sport unto itself, and if you don't agree we should probably see other people. Now are you gonna help me plug in the blender or what?
— untitled dadjokes game (@perlhack) January 21, 2020
#5:
I’d like to be a stay at home mom. But only if my kid isn’t also at home.
โ Buffaluffagus ๐ (@MissSassy_Pants) January 23, 2020
#6:
Why canโt anyone love me as hard as I love them?
Server: Maโam shrimp scampi is incapable of loving you and please let go of my hand I have tables…
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) January 23, 2020
#7:
This is my emotional support chloroform and bone saw
โ Elisabeth๐บ๐ธ (@YourMomsucksTho) January 23, 2020
#8:
[guy about to invent country music]
*looking at his truck* i want to fuck this so bad
— randy (@leakypod) January 23, 2020
#9:
If youโre renting, and your landlord has a no pets policy, you can keep bats as long as you pretend to be mad about it.
โ Queer Paranormal ๐ณ๏ธโ๐๐ป (@ParanormalQueer) January 20, 2020
#10:
Prince Eric: wanna get sushi?
Ariel:
Prince Eric:
Ariel:
Prince Eric: lmao I forgot you canโt talk
Ariel:
Prince Eric:
Ariel: [writing] ๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ท๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ถ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐พ๐๐๐น๐?
— pilau (@FU_TangClan) January 23, 2020