Hello and welcome to another episode of „Best Tweets from Today“. But before we start with our daily gems, let’s have a word from our beloved sponsor Monday™.
Monday™ is the toughest and most mentioned badass day of the week. Wether you’re just in a bad mood and hate yourself and your job, or just everyone around you: Monday gives you the opportunity to be the moron you ever wanted to be. It provides you to scream out loud, yell at colleagues and neighbors or just swear for yourself, while riding the bus. No one will judge or punish you, because everyone’s in the same boat. And the best thing is: It comes for free every week.
westerners are like “wow the chinese govt is doing a bad job with coronavirus” while their kids are coming back from school with measles because their government can’t/won’t be more convincing than some hippie mum with a wordpress site
— uptown funko pop (@eastbIoc) January 24, 2020
Not wearing glasses anymore. I’ve seen enough
— th0mas (@len0killer) January 26, 2020
two wizards block your path. how will you proceed? pic.twitter.com/Qs4fYuYdXm
— ♡ mia ♡ (@mimipetitexoxo) January 24, 2020
«men are from mars, women are from venus» implies the existence of at least 6 other local genders of extreme variability, hundreds of thousands of other celestial genders, and possibly infinite extrasolar genders, many beyond what science has currently charted
— Mitch ✨ (@HxOvAx) January 26, 2020
So my husband told me that his coworker gave him homemade bath bombs over the holidays & that he tried one & it didn’t dissolve v well but he’d never used one before & thought it was normal. He left the other one for me & I just tried it. It. Is. A. COOKIE.
— Paige Byerly (@paigebyerly) January 26, 2020
— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) January 24, 2020
ages 14-25: i would like to listen to more bands
ages 26-??: i have listened to enough bands, now i would like power
— sebastian castillo (@bartlebytaco) January 25, 2020
Me: *pulls into gas station* just a quick stop for gas!
GPS: wwhat the fukc is happening
— cal? (@cal_gif) January 24, 2020
There’s a parallel universe where people age non-linearly, and every day you have no idea how old you’ll wake up. So sometimes you’d have to call into work like, “Sorry, can’t make it in today, I’m 7.”
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 26, 2020
#NationalComplimentDay Are you a Dementor? Because you just took my breath away.
— Professor Snape (@_Snape_) January 24, 2020