The coronavirus runs rampant around the world and has already reached Europe. Are you currently joining Team Hysteria or Team I don’t care? Or do you stand between these two teams? On our side, nearly everyone in our editorial office is sick anyway. So you can be relieved that the internet doesn’t spread diseases. Therefore, you can be sure that our Daily is not sick of any kind.
#1:
Me: I am so fat, I hate my body so much, how does anyone find me attractive
My brain:
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say itMe: I think a cheeseburger and ice cream will make me feel better. Seems like a great idea
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) January 30, 2020
#2:
doctor: your husband has a disease that only lets him talk like mario
my wife: [sobbing] oh my god
doctor: i'm so sorry
me: [muffled from the other room] ᵒᵏᶦ ᵈᵒᵏᶦ
— shen the bird (@Shen_the_Bird) January 30, 2020
#3:
Was scolded by a stranger this morning for walking my toddler to daycare in the cold (0 degrees). The stranger then said to my toddler that they were sorry I was making her walk in the cold. Toddler responded: "the cold never bothered me anyway," and walked away. Parent win.
— Megan Gaucher (@MegGowcher) January 28, 2020
#4:
mfs in high school will throw a desk at a teacher but be nervous to ask a girl to prom
— Grandpa 💯 (@Grandpa) January 29, 2020
#5:
italians we won https://t.co/7UblNBAM5I
— giabuchi (@jaboukie) January 29, 2020
#6:
college students be like “i can’t wait until friday night i’m gunna look like a snack 😊” with -0.12¢ in their campus account. you worried about the wrong meal plan
— giabuchi (@jaboukie) January 29, 2020
#7:
These impeachment hearings are like if Sesame Street was trying to figure out if Cookie Monster ate all the cookies
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) January 29, 2020
#8:
social media jobs be like:
Do you know your TikTok from your Facebook? have you ever heard of or seen "a computer"?
Then you just might be perfect for our SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR job, running every online element of our business
£13k, Slough
— large goulcher the size of a small goulcher (@goulcher) January 29, 2020
#9:
if you eat poptarts and diet coke for breakfast lunch and dinner, thats 400 calories per meal. 1200 calories per day. the ultimate diet.
*buzzfeed pisses itself in excitement, jack from twitter gives me a congratulatory phone call, planet fitness asks me to be brand ambassador*
— mattfred (@itsmattfred) January 29, 2020
#10:
This is the first time I’ve seen this guy not look like he took an adderall and robbed a pet store after not sleeping for 5 days https://t.co/o3bqD74lRG
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) January 28, 2020
