Here we go again! It’s Monday. Holidays are over. The pandemic is still going strong and on top of that we have to return to work. The only thing missing in our cramped little lives are wood chips and a hamster wheel. If you’re hearing a strange sound while reading this, don’t worry. It’s not asthma or Covid, we’re just moaning in lust for some good tweets. So, fasten your seatbelts and start your engines. Here are our 10 gems for today.
Literally begging for a full lockdown if it means we’ll be free by summer 😭 I cannot have another summer stolen from me
— Mary-Ann (@okaymaryann) January 2, 2021
Being at 0% ICU capacity means one bad car accident, one bad fall, one bad allergic reaction, etc. where you’d otherwise survive could literally kill you. 0% ICU capacity affects EVERYONE not just those who get covid
— marina (@marinara_sawce) January 3, 2021
Ask a socialist why they hate capitalism, and they'll give you a myriad of reasons.
Ask a capitalist why they hate socialism and they'll describe capitalism.
— Logan the Socialist (@Logan_ofthecorn) January 1, 2021
of course, it's so simple pic.twitter.com/ohu9DjQ82n
— the thicc husband & father (@lukeisamazing) January 1, 2021
After my dad died I brought his old computer to my apartment, the browser search history was just the word "pussy"
— the dark triad german (@collnsmith) January 3, 2021
the girls who organized the prom dress facebook groups should be in charge of distributing the vaccine
— small tony (@tony_ferraro7) January 3, 2021
men will literally run for president instead of going to therapy
— Colleen (@Coll3enG) January 3, 2021
wondering why you feel bad? it's because you have the sunday scaries for the whole of 2021
— Estelle Tang (@waouwwaouw) January 4, 2021
if i had gone to a party last night and there was photographic evidence of it i would literally beg the FBI to put me in witness protection. like i would go into hiding and leave my whole life behind that’s so embarrassing.
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) January 2, 2021
My top 3 assumptions when the doorbell rings:
2. Police telling me everyone is dead
3. The book I ordered about positive thinking
— ᴘɪᴘᴘɪ_ʟᴏɴɢ_sᴛᴏᴄᴋɪɴɢ (@SarahSurgey1) January 2, 2021