Today is the first Sunday of the new year so let’s relax a little bit. This time we got some sad Happy Meals, an exciting offer for sale and the pure joy of having kids. Are you curious? Have fun!
me: two happy meals
drive thru: but you’re alone
me: one sad meal
— Funk Doc (@FU_TangClan) January 4, 2020
Hi it’s actually illegal not to like me if I like you so please act accordingly.
— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyFrankly) January 4, 2020
[seeing a new mom pushing a baby in a stroller]
Me: GET A JOB!!
Her: ok wow, I literally just had my baby
Me: I WAS TALKING TO THE BABY!!
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) January 4, 2020
*quietly tries to open bag of potato chips*
— MisoSilly (@SeiYoung83) January 4, 2020
"LOBSTER FOR SALE" pic.twitter.com/jl93yvyMe3
— Best of Nextdoor (@bestofnextdoor) January 4, 2020
“astrology isn’t real”
literally nothing is real your name is gibberish but you still answer to it bc you crave identity and structure you pathetic fucking featherless biped
— areola grande (@meezy_g) January 4, 2020
I was just quickly and aimlessly tidying up my house, about 5 minutes in I realized that I was carrying around a potato.
I don’t know which room I picked the potato up in, I just know it was not the kitchen.
Kids are fun
— Heather 🦈 doo do doo do doo do doo do (@dishs_up) January 2, 2020
Husband: Did you eat all the cookies?
Me: I need insulation for the winter.
Husband: We live in Los Angeles.
Me: Well, just in case we go somewhere cold.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 4, 2020
The problem with being a giver is takers always find you.
— Emmy Bacon 🇨🇦🌟 (@EmmyStar79) January 5, 2020
It’s true. pic.twitter.com/8v8ooq69lN
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) January 5, 2020