Best of Twitter from July 13, 2020

It’s Monday the 13th, which means even Jason looks petrified, facing the ugly truth when he looks up his calendar. Basically today feels like being in hell or visiting Disney World during a pandemic, which is actually a thing these days. Yep, insane, isn’t it? Sad story is, we can’t protect you. But we can offer you some fine distraction, in particular our gems of the day. Handcrafted, handselected and garnished with handsome humor. Enjoy!

#1:

oh to be a cat in a raincoat walking gracefully through the rain pic.twitter.com/NM8SdtKp3d

— Témo (@temosir) July 12, 2020

#2:

COVID-19 testing (2020) pic.twitter.com/rLPKqI4Elo

— ave maria 👑 (@QueeenAve) July 12, 2020

#3:

I struggle to understand what is so broken in your life that can only be fixed by going to Disney World during a pandemic.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 12, 2020

#4:

the french beheading marie antoinette was their way of finding out if she was made of cake or not

— ً (@filmcal) July 11, 2020

#5:

Lilo is 95 years old, sitting in a wheelchair on her porch, slowly stroking Stitch as they watch the hawaiian sun sink below a rainbow horizon. She smiles and takes a deep breath. The gentle pets stop and Stitch knows what he’s always known: that an ohana never lasts forever.

— skoog (@Skoog) July 12, 2020

#6:

I AM DEAD pic.twitter.com/2uv7lqZuzN

— Eryq Ouithaqueue (@EryqOuithaqueue) July 10, 2020

#7:

Roughly 1 out of every 3 households couldn’t make their mortgage or rent payments this month. I don’t feel like folks are grasping what that says about the state of the real economy. Folks are talking about opening up restaurants & theme parks. I…… whew.

— Bree Newsome Bass (@BreeNewsome) July 12, 2020

#8:

I miss the feeling of meeting up w a friend at a bar and listening patiently while they tell a story so I can respond unhelpfully with my own only slightly related story 🙁

— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) July 12, 2020

#9:

Giraffes are the tallest mammals on Earth.

They can run as fast as 35 miles an hour.

Giraffes only need to drink once every few days.

Giraffes only need 5 to 30 minutes of sleep in a 24-hour period.

Giraffes are fucking shit at hide and seek. pic.twitter.com/dsCO3ARYMO

— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) July 13, 2020

#10:

[Disney World reopens]

Me: [chanting] death, death-

Other visitors: death, DEATH

Mickey: [pounding his chest and howling] DEATH, DEATH, DEATH!

— Chris Conroy (@ConroyForReal) July 12, 2020