Is everybody celebrating that slow rise of desperation despite the usual try to knock it out with our religious Sunday evening «tomorrow I’m gonna start a new life/diet/Instagram account» attitude? Yep, horrible Monday is getting closer minute by minute and though we are definitely not ready for it all we have left is a couple of lousy hours with our three best friends: the fridge, the remote, and the smartphone (in reverse order obviously) in the holy surroundings of bestie no. 4 aka the couch. As the realization that once again we didn’t use the weekend to do, well, anything, is starting to sink in, why not give our transformation into a better, more beautiful and wholesome being one last shot by enjoying the best Tweets from today? You have nothing to lose, people…
did everyone in their childhood have a specific food that they loved until one day you threw it up and you ever ate it again?
— hi im rue! (they/them) (@clitereIIa) July 16, 2021
my wife wasn’t home for an important call from the bank so I had to mrs doubtfire that shit
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) July 16, 2021
You ever seen something that looks more like a trap? pic.twitter.com/QSBvGXJiMq
— Your Wight Knight (@yourwightknight) July 16, 2021
Reminder: When you say that the pandemic now only affects «the unvaccinated,» that includes kids.
— Dr. Lucky Tran (@luckytran) July 16, 2021
My girlfriend won’t have sex with me because I spent 4 hours making a flow chart about which ninja turtles we’d be, even though the chart clearly shows I’m Raphael. The most fuckable turtle.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) July 17, 2021
?????? where does dis guy think he is ? pic.twitter.com/0diYTdQRXg
— musti (@lengurz) July 16, 2021
I hate being an adult. People ask if I like to party. Fuck yea I like to party. Piñatas, ice cream cakes, slumber parties with scary stories. LET’S FUCKEN GOOOO. But no, they wanna sniff cocaine and touch…
— scotty (@notnotscotty) July 15, 2021
Had a COVID patient in the ED. I inquired if they had been vaccinated. “It’s against my religion, the vaccine is made from aborted babies.” I explained that it definitely is not. “Whatever you say, I’ve looked it up online”. Got a complaint that they felt judged. Help me🧘♂️😷
— AustinERdoc (@AustinERdoc) July 15, 2021
I’ve accidentally sent my mum picture of my boobs so I followed it up with medical questions and booked a mammogram
— Sandra (@Sanbel11) July 16, 2021
is everybody’s grandma ok pic.twitter.com/8t75zU8opo
— Naître D ☕️ 🧙♂️ (@perlhack) July 16, 2021
If «someone throws a walrus at my grandma» sounds like a perfect plot to you, you also might enjoy this: