Welcome to today’s Best of Twitter class! Take a mat, spread out your towel and sit down, please. We start with the meditation. Breathe in, exhale.
Now read the first tweet.
Breathe in, exhale.
Now read the second tweet.
Let your breath flow through the whole body.
Now read the third tweet.
Take it easy. Keep going.
What I Imagined When Kanye Said Kris Jong-Un pic.twitter.com/4ayKA9WCoY
— Manny➐ (@Manny_Pain) July 22, 2020
I don’t just want my death to be politicized, i want it to be weaponized
— C.A. Pinkham (@EyePatchGuy) July 20, 2020
We pay my oldest $1 every time he reads a book. We’re talking 160 page chapter books. 😂
I’m out $120 this year and he thinks he’s ripping me off. Best investment ever.
— David Woodland (@DavidSven) July 17, 2020
Summer ends in 5 weeks and I can honestly say… what the fuck was that.
— Pre K ❄️ (@stayfrea_) July 20, 2020
god does drugs and here’s proof: the octopus. what other fish has a beak, 8 arms and 3 god damn hearts. can change colors and also has a fucking ink cannon. god ate shrooms, railed a couple lines and said fuck it lmao let there be octopus
— randy (@randypaint) July 21, 2020
Someone on TikTok just said if America made health care free and college affordable, no one would want to join their military………..and now I think I’m spiraling.
— vancóis (@iiVANCEii) July 21, 2020
they've had enough pic.twitter.com/qK3wngDJnB
— Pablo Rochat (@PabloRochat) July 21, 2020
My favorite part of summer is when my kids ask for the sprinkler and then I turn on the sprinkler and then they cry hysterically if they get wet from the sprinkler and then they yell at me to turn the sprinkler back on after I turn it off
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) July 21, 2020
Today would’ve been Dad’s 69th birthday, so to honor him (& that glorious number), I will be donating $69.69 to as many local homeless shelters as I can. Join me if you like, but regardless, know I am wishing you all at least one hearty, immature belly laugh on Dad today ♥️
— Zelda Williams (@zeldawilliams) July 21, 2020
You have no idea how loud some actions are until you have to perform them with a person sleeping in the same room.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) July 22, 2020