It’s Thursday, which means the weekend is arriving like the Roadrunner on organic fair-trade cocaine (yes, that’s a thing now), so let’s try not to be Wile E. Coyote for once by already planning totally unrealistic things. Like cleaning, staying sober or being nice to our neighbours. Let’s accept the fact that by Saturday at 3 a.m. in the morning we’ll be a sorry mess, crying over Jolene (there are so many men, damn you Jolene) or watching an old episode of King of Queens, which would be called «VERY problematic» on Twitter if it would air this year. Rest in peace, Jerry Stiller, you are still missed. What you don’t want to miss is having a peek at our gems of today. Perhaps have a banana while reading on? By all means, enjoy!
I will only get married again if I can walk down the aisle to the Law and Order theme
— ho baby 😉 (@ThisLocalHater) July 19, 2021
Instagram stories are for your random thoughts out of context. “Here’s some food. Look, a dog! I like this song.” It’s probably what it feels like to be in a squirrels brain
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) July 21, 2021
So close to getting it. So close… pic.twitter.com/01COuiAOaK
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) July 20, 2021
Me: how much for the goth poetry book?
Librarian: that's Dante's Inferno
— inkedupandsonic (@sonictyrant) July 21, 2021
me, looking at $900,000 houses with $76 in my bank account: interesting design choice but ok
— witt (@50FirstTates) July 21, 2021
it’s so easy to meet people in real life. just crawl into a dryer at the laundromat and when someone opens it to use it whisper “wanna grab coffee sometime”
— shelby (@shelbytheclown) July 21, 2021
u think things are bad now but one day rich white girls won’t be able to shut up about their semester on the moon
— ms pippershnippetz (@lolumOKUR) July 20, 2021
Too many na's in banana. Just make it one na. Bana. There, done.
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) July 20, 2021
god the women you put on earth to lay around reading and looking pretty and occasionally go to museums are being forced to work
— eleanor (@420hondaodyssey) July 19, 2021
Doctor: Are you pregnant?
Me: If I am, I’m naming him Duracell Jr
— ThexyBeatht (@thexybeatht) July 21, 2021