The weekend finally arrived and since the weather calmed down a little bit, we can finally go back to fun activities. Playing with our mobile outside instead from the couch, judging strangers harshly for their choice of clothes instead of our neighbors and eating what’s naturally found in our parks. Ice cream to example or a healthy slice of pizza. Not to mention the possibility of practicing our witchcraft, so the judging we mentioned before will be more of a direct approach to change our annoying neighbor than just evil stares. And by change we mean turning him into a racoon. He talks less and looks way more cute, it’s a win win for everyone. Another win is what you’re about to read, so please enjoy the Twitter gems we found while practicing the ice cream summoning spell. Have fun!
Me: what's your favourite thing about soccer?
Wife: I really love how it captures the essence of life, you know, the pointlessness of it all.
— Daveastated (@Daveastated) July 2, 2021
i don't think i even remember what to do during sex anymore. what if they tell me i can do whatever i want. i would start watching the matrix
— jame (@video_jame) July 2, 2021
Seen on a walk around the neighborhood. pic.twitter.com/nCbY1WRHeK
— Dr. Julie Chernov Hwang (@Julie_C_Hwang) June 30, 2021
My dad says everybody makes mistakes, but it still hurts when he calls me “Exhibit A”
— Sammich (@SamNonTheWiser) June 29, 2021
men: we are so oppressed
women: just bought a grenade launcher on etsy so i can walk to my car by myself
— .:RiotGrl:. (@RiotGrlErin) July 2, 2021
hitman: who am I killing?
dog: ever hear a guy named pavlov?
hitman: rings a bell
dog: that's right
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) July 2, 2021
stylist: so what are we doing with your hair today
me: I’m mostly going to sit here
— jo (@whatsJo) July 2, 2021
Me, five minutes after deciding to eat healthier pic.twitter.com/Yyr7g12e6Q
— Midge (@mxmclain) July 1, 2021
Young people think they know it all, old people think they know it all, there’s a sweet spot right in the middle where we know that nobody really knows shit
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) June 29, 2021
After rewatching Alice in Wonderland, Willy Wonka, Labyrinth, and The Wizard of Oz, I really think we’ve lost sight of the most important genre in cinema: People Just Kinda Wandering Around A Really Weird Place
— Houston Coley (@blockbustedpod) July 2, 2021