Hooray, it’s Tuesday! The worst part of the week is over. Unless you’re working closely with Mark Zuckerberg and have to pretend to just L-O-V-E his 4th of July surf video. You are so amaaaaazing, Mark, the way you hold up that flag!!! Except working closely with Mark Zuckerberg probably doesn’t really qualify you for pity, does it? Or just a little. Anyway, isn’t it funny how billionaires think it’s the perfect time to share a video of themself surfing to a country song at sunset while the ocean is literally on fire? Well, some might suggest that there are less idiotic ways to demonstrate patriotism, but hey, for that you have to check out today’s best Tweets. Enjoy!
«You can come if you want» is the most disrespectful invitation ever 😂😂
— 𝙰𝙽𝚄𝚁𝙰𝙶 (@_anuraggg) July 5, 2021
Years ago on the tube my Japanese friend popped a mask on. I asked her why, she said she had a bit of a cold and didn’t want to pass it on. It wasn’t political, it wasn’t an attack on her freedom. Just a courtesy to her fellow passengers. Why can’t it be that simple? #MaskUp
— Lauren Nolan (@Moonfacemum) July 5, 2021
Would prefer Zuck celebrate 4th of July by paying taxes
— Ethan Klein (@h3h3productions) July 5, 2021
Once I was in the spa in a hotel in Vegas getting a massage. When I finished I turned over and to my shock Paul Rudd was massaging me. He saw me go in and convinced the masseuse to let him take over, thinking I’d notice immediately. I didn’t, and Paul did the entire rest of it.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) July 5, 2021
#5: (click on the pictures)
i don’t know who writes the reminders for my running app but they need to calm the fuck down pic.twitter.com/dE9GzGi8Aj
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) July 6, 2021
Stop cleaning your house for me so I can stop cleaning mine for you
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 4, 2021
The iPhone “dashboard” or whatever shows you “featured photos” every morning. Mine always include a few of my son Henry who died 3 yrs ago. I cannot put into words how much I love it. I love to look at him every morning of every day.
— Rob Delaney (@robdelaney) July 5, 2021
«So, you think teenagers should make $15/hr when they still live with their parents?»
Yes, Karen. Yes, I do. We have an entire generation of young adults right now who can’t afford to move out on their own, so let’s pay teens enough to live on and not fuck this up twice.
— Faith #GetVaccinated (@RoseOfWindsong) July 1, 2021
Me acting shocked I gained weight from poor food choices pic.twitter.com/oMFLOR1MXK
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) July 2, 2021
This extraordinarily beautiful moment of a mother wrench feeding her young will leave you breathless. pic.twitter.com/OAMgYdoTIL
— Ally Oop (@novelidea14) July 3, 2021