It’s Thursday, raining and overall there’s a weird «spring 2020» vibe going around. Or let’s be honest, who of you had «the ocean is on fire» on their 2021 bingo list? Exactly. Furthermore England is in the final match of a soccer tournament, another sign that we’re either in a parallel universe or the end of time is finally approaching. Which doesn’t have to be a bad thing, we would see a lot of great people again and the thought of Little Richard playing the entrance theme for the Horsemen of the Apocalypse is somewhat intriguing. Talking about apocalyptic things, we managed to go through Twitter again without any lasting trauma, so please enjoy these gems. Have fun!
mom can u come pick me up, they're talking about having futures and living past 30
— sad rico (@detseretninu) July 6, 2021
me: I want to talk about my fear of psychics next time
therapist: I'm looking forward to it
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) July 7, 2021
Cow: "Well done, boy. You have killed them all. Never again shall the humanz come between us. Now you may rest."
Boy: "I did good, Mama…" pic.twitter.com/Zty5plqvVG
— SeeEyalLater (@EyalTweet) December 6, 2019
Growing a garden is fun. The vegetables are like your babies that you eat.
— PieGuy (@ilovepie84) July 7, 2021
I don't really date I just build up their self esteem and watch them move on. A catch and release program if you will. All tracked for migratory purposes.
— McErin☘ (@colleen_eileen) July 7, 2021
everyone: tax the rich
government: wealth will be passed down through jobs and charities 🙂
billionaires: we’re going to space for fun!
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) July 7, 2021
me: are you familiar with the infinite universe theory
gf: yeah of course
me: so there must be one where I run over your dad with a go-kart
gf: I guess so
me: so *pulling out flowers from behind my back* you can see how this isn’t my fault
— ︎m@thew (@TweetPotato314) July 7, 2021
Them: You were right
— Midge (@mxmclain) July 6, 2021
The road to insanity is paved with failed login attempts.
— Pinky’s Brain (@mack44_d) July 6, 2021
Boss: *approaching me*
Me, thinking: Please don’t announce it’s my birthday Please don’t announce it’s my birthday Please don’t announce it’s my birthday Please don’t announce it’s my birthday
Boss: I need you to stay late today.
Me: It’s my birthday.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 7, 2021