It’s not easy to concentrate on finding funny tweets, given the state the world is in at the moment. So we’re trying to create an appropriate mix between as light hearted as possible and relevant. Hopefully it works, so here’s our Daily.
Just gone 6am here in New Zealand and i'm almost scared to even ask. Are you still there America?
— KiwiMark1969 (@KMark1969) May 31, 2020
amazon said equality is important thts why none of our employees allowed to use the bathroom ✊🏾
— g (@stopitg) May 31, 2020
You know, I always wanted to know what it would be like to simultaneously experience the Spanish flu, Great Depression, and 1968 mass protests while Andrew Johnson was president.
— Miranda Yaver (@mirandayaver) May 31, 2020
At this point the earth could just spin right off its fucking axis and float into deep space and it would only be an improvement on 2020
— Mad Maxshley (@AshToTheFuture) June 1, 2020
Me: My sister is pregnant
Him: Does she know the sex?
Me: I’m pretty sure that’s how she got pregnant
— Friney ☕️🌷 (@dimplesticks) May 30, 2020
Weird porn and wine inside the pillow fort?
— ❤️Jar Jar Drinks🤙 (@GuyBreakup) May 31, 2020
escape room, but it’s just me getting out of my skinny jeans
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) May 30, 2020
I wonder how long after lift-off it took the astronauts to decide that they aren't coming back.
— Cathryn 🦝💚 (@AngryRaccoon2) May 30, 2020
Guys, never go to bed if you’re still fighting with your wife. Snoring will never help your argument.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) May 30, 2020
"Don't turn on the news"
Me as a therapist
— 🌴Envy🌴 (@envydatropic) May 31, 2020