Welcome to a very sunny edition of Best of Twitter. Once again we went on our daily treasure hunt and came back with a bag full of the usual mix of self-pity, weltschmerz and medium funny observations from people who prefer the internet to the real world. Just kidding, we got nothing but the best Tweets from today – honoring the launch of the pill on the German market 60 years ago with ketchup serving as contraception. Have fun!
For $40 I will come to a party with you and start a huge fight so you can go home early. For an extra $10 I will pretend to stomp off but really I will go into the kitchen and shove a bunch of snacks into my pockets for you to eat on the way home.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) May 30, 2021
I went outside yesterday.
1.) It’s expensive.
2.) It’s too many people.
See y’all next year.
— 🤷🏾♂️ (@KoolAidPappi) May 30, 2021
Your dad talking to your friend of 10+ years trying to remember their name pic.twitter.com/r1k8QhoujB
— Addatude (@addatude_) May 30, 2021
I moved into a new apartment but there’s no wifi and no couch yet so I’m gonna stand in the middle of the room like a sim for a few days
— raina (@quakerraina) May 31, 2021
I decided I didn’t want kids when a friend’s daughter was crying bc ketchup was too wet.
— .:RiotGrl:. (@RiotGrlErin) May 30, 2021
Covid vaccine Birth control
Should be free
and readily available
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) May 31, 2021
When I see a 28 yr old with a baby I’m like, “wow respect to these teen parents”
— amil (@amil) May 31, 2021
i am losing my mind pic.twitter.com/CD2ezplnCA
— Meuh (@meowmeowmia) May 31, 2021
the lady at on the flight behind me just said: “I’m one glass away from bringing up a bunch of shit from three years ago” to her man. LMAO AYO
— full-snack developer 🇭🇹 (@notdanilu) May 30, 2021
Zion has ripped our nephews ball to shreds and is now wearing it like he’s in Silence Of The Fucking Lambs. pic.twitter.com/ytQZjpvHQQ
— Steve Armo 🐎 (@sarm0161) May 30, 2021