It’s Thursday or as Dante would say, the first circle of Hell. A limbo, right between the Inferno of the workweek and the sweet salvation of the weekend. Speaking of Inferno and not to complain, but pale people are having a blast (yes, we did that) with this temperatures right now. It’s like walking into a church being a vampire, one step too far and you’re not only about to see the light, it’s also the last thing you’ll ever experience. And the last things you want to see are of course our gems of the day. Have fun!
#1:
I just want to be rich enough where I never have to be seen in public again.
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) June 9, 2021
#2:
fellas, if a girl asks you for your birthday and the time you were born, DON’T ANSWER. she is a time traveler trying to erase your existence from the timeline 👍
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 5, 2021
#3:
back in my day, televisions were whittled straight out of the tree pic.twitter.com/pwaRhV7voe
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 8, 2021
#4:
me: babe. babe, wake up
bf: is something wrong?
me: yes. do transformers run on diesel
bf: what
me: do you think captain planet would consider them enemies
— Rads (@FeelingEuphoric) June 7, 2021
#5:
"age is just a number" yeah the older i get the number i feel
— Ian Dukes (@ianpauldukes) June 9, 2021
#6:
me: I told our son it's ok to cry if you drop your ice cream
wife: what did he say?
me: he kept laughing at me
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) June 9, 2021
#7:
applebee’s waiter: what would u like to order
me: i’ll have the apple
waiter: we don’t actually sell apples
me, visibly afraid: ok then [gulps] i’ll have the bees
— cor y (@coolmathgame_) June 8, 2021
#8:
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I’ve just been asked in a job interview if I used lockdown “to pursue any passion projects or personal development.”
— Elvis Buñuelo (@Mr_Considerate) June 8, 2021
#9:
"take a picture of us we are dating" pic.twitter.com/SIHAFEcd5g
— follow me if u're sad (@wthnell_) June 8, 2021
#10:
My wife still brings up that one time in 2015 I complained of tired legs while she was in labor
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 8, 2021
