It’s getting hot in here. And no, we’re not talking about the beloved (and thankfully forgotten) 90s song, neither have we looked in the mirror by accident. Who does that anyway after a year of quarantine, while having access to junk food (aka self love) literally 24/7? Since the first heatwave of the year is hitting us like a battering ram while living in a house full of donuts and half the police force hungry in front of it, being pushed into a shark infested nothern sea doesn’t sound so bad anymore, as long as it’s cold and, well: liquid. And yes, we watched Pirates of the Caribbean again, what about it? Where were we? Right. It’s getting hot in a sea full of sharks while Johnny Depp is hitting on us with a battering ram. Or something like that. You know what? Here are our gems of the day. Bring in the big fans.
#1:
Unpopular opinion: The best thing young people can do early in their careers is to abandon their identity and start over in a coastal New England town as a mysterious but beloved local bartender
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) June 13, 2021
#2:
don’t wanna hear any financial advice from the generation that could afford their entire college tuition after one summer of shining prohibition bootleggers’ shoes
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) June 15, 2021
#3:
how tf do we explain this pandemic pic to future generations??? pic.twitter.com/TlYlIaYbnI
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 13, 2021
#4:
6: dad when will you die?
me: um. hopefully not soon.
6: well. i REALLY want your snacks you keep for yourself.
i'm not safe here anymore.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 16, 2021
#5:
deleting dating apps to meet someone the old fashioned way (long spaghetti noodle)
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 16, 2021
#6:
[first day as pilot]
me: *on intercom* alright everybody it’s time for our in-flight pop quiz
[game show music plays]
me: what does the landing gear button look like
passengers:
me: *voice shaking* you have 10 seconds to answer
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) June 13, 2021
#7:
[movie date]
me: i snuck in some snacks
date: omg !!!!!
me: *holding ramen noodles* do u have any boiling water
— cor y (@coolmathgame_) June 13, 2021
#8:
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 16, 2021
#9:
Interviewer: what’s your greatest weakness?
Me: Hookers and cocaine…. Oh you mean professionally? I care too much and cocaine.
— Barney (@BarneyLile) June 16, 2021
#10:
her: are you even listening to me?
me: what a weird conversation starter
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) June 16, 2021
