It’s Friday, everyone! That one day of the week that probably no one can screw up. In fact, all you can do is make it even better with the best Tweets. Today with a pediatrician who learned a lesson by a real expert, a snappy discovery from the depths of the salad buffet and a cry for help from the office. Get an extra drink for this weekend and enjoy! (Oh, and if you happen to be in New York, stay away from Columbus Circle!)
#1:
My dog and I are not cleaning up after you, you sick cannibals pic.twitter.com/eFYvHTitan
— Midge (@mxmclain) June 17, 2021
#2:
Good afternoon to everyone, but especially to the 5-year-old who wanted to extend his telehealth visit with me to talk about dinosaurs.
— Daniel Summers, MD 🏳️🌈 (@WFKARS) June 16, 2021
#3:
every relationship has one person who wants to watch all the shows together and one person who already watched them all while they were asleep
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 16, 2021
#4:
when i was pregnant sleeping was really all i did. so… one day i was like “ima take a nap in my lunch break”. i went to my car at noon to nap. bitch… next thing i know… the security guard, my mama, & the police was tapping on my window. it was 7:45pm. they thought i was dead.
— 𝕠𝕜 𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕤 𝕗𝕒𝕓𝕦𝕝𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝 𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟸† (@_iamtiredLord) June 15, 2021
#5:
Commenting “adopt don’t shop” on my friends’ pregnancy announcements
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) June 15, 2021
#6:
last night I told my date for Saturday about my kind of gender fluidity, and at first she wanted to think about it wasn’t sure about it, then this morning I find out she stayed up all night reading articles about it and then asked me some questions in a very polite and caring way
— suki (@desukidesu) June 16, 2021
#7:
I smiled at a woman in Columbus Circle. She smiled at me. We exchanged pleasantries about the beautiful day. Then she bent over, picked up a couple of oak leaves from the gutter, sniffed them, and ate them. I will see you all in another 15 months.
— Mark Harris (@MarkHarrisNYC) June 17, 2021
#8:
sorry I missed your call, I was staring at my phone until it stopped
— AN IDIOT (@itsallbollocks) June 15, 2021
#9:
I’m in Microsoft Excel fighting for my fucking life
— sultan (@sultangelo) June 15, 2021
#10:
Today’s lunch as movie posters (1/1) pic.twitter.com/a8XX58bdax
— Matthew Butler (@matthewjbutler) June 16, 2021
