We are thankful for having you guys join us this Friday evening. We hope you enjoyed our Special from today as well as this Daily. It’s Friday and we want to help get your weekend started. Be grateful to your parents, who are only traumatizing you at half of what they were traumatized at. I honestly didn’t think that’s something that had to be done as a parent. Well, anyway we won’t traumatize you but instead, entertain you guys. Enjoy!
#1:
Martha was absolutely terrified of grocery shopping during the pandemic, so she tried to stay relaxed by immersing herself in the comfortable and familiar scent of Harry’s balls. pic.twitter.com/LRbEGaNEjU
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) June 19, 2020
#2:
What I heard my husband say: “Are you getting your period or something?”
What he should have said: “I’d really like to sleep on the couch tonight”
— Go Ask Your Dad (@_goaskyourdad_) June 18, 2020
#3:
I should probably wrap this up.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 16, 2020
#4:
Women: I’m so sick of men in my DMs
Also women: *posts 17 sexy cleavage pics and “im so horny” tweets
— Casey AF (@JustCaseyAF) June 18, 2020
#5:
alien: we have come to destroy all humanity
me: hell yeah
alien: what? I said we have co-
me: hurry up
— tom (@pilau) June 16, 2020
#6:
boy bands r just good . i love when men entertain me. do a little song n dance for me boys
— ava (@hotlinehope) June 18, 2020
#7:
executioner: do you have any last words
me: rub my butt and buy me pizza
execution: see bro this is what got you here in the first place
— viking needs a job (@notviking) June 19, 2020
#8:
parents are like “you should be grateful I only traumatized you half as much as MY parents did to me” 😌
— m (@okaishawty) June 18, 2020
#9:
i wish we could have subtitles in real life bcuz i really can’t hear anything anyone is saying to me
— ً (@hxrtin) June 18, 2020
#10:
it’s weird watching people just decide the pandemic is over
— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) June 18, 2020
