It’s Saturday, the hottest day of the year so far and while we are slowly melting away in front of our computer screens, people are having fun in parks or, if they’re extremly lucky, at a pool, while looking at a mobile screen, posting pictures to prove how much fun they are having right now. It’s complicated. Being at the sea could at least be a bit exciting, especially in Australia, where technically every living creature is designed to kill you and after half an hour in the sun, there’s a pretty good chance that you are well done and ready to be served to the next shark. Although some people actually prefer the company of sharks. They talk way less than humans and have you seen a hammer shark? Whoever named that thing wasn’t very creative, but he, wait for it…waaaait…nailed it! Okay, we’re sorry and leave the jokes to some people that are good at it. And we found those people again for you, so enjoy our gems and try not to melt. Have fun!
If you play any Radiohead song backwards it gives you the address of a hipster sushi place in new york
— inkedupandsonic (@sonictyrant) June 19, 2021
At work discussing our thermostats and an older lady said, “We are 69ing nonstop” and I am internally screaming.
— Mal (@TheRealPalMal) June 18, 2021
How it started How it’s going pic.twitter.com/loL1jK2OYi
— Ghostface Kryllah (@Kryzazy) June 18, 2021
School: Ok everyone we're going to have a quiz
Me: No being has known greater suffering
Bar: Ok everyone we're going to have a quiz
Me: This is a blessing upon my household, a divine gift
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) June 18, 2021
Based on a true story pic.twitter.com/Bb6juSVrVQ
— steeve again (@steeve_again) June 18, 2021
facebook: look at my child!!! See what a perfect parent I am??
instagram: look at my child!!! See how beautiful my progeny are?!?!
twitter: I’m so damn tired. child for sale, see picture
— cunty (@HeresCunty) June 18, 2021
Do you ever think the computer asks if you’re a robot because it’s looking for a friend?
— Rachy Rach (@riot4rach) June 18, 2021
My GF was on a work call and she leaned over and asked me the name of 'The Star Wars ship' and I said 'The Mayflower' and she said thanks and repeated it. Then the smile left her face and she turned and looked at me with the absolute worst stink-eye I have ever seen in my life.
— 🍀Yukon Gold🍁 (@GrahamKritzer) June 15, 2021
it’s weird how we only eat eggs at breakfast and only eat chicken 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 breakfast like the older the day is the older the chicken we eat but why
— scotty (@notnotscotty) June 14, 2021
interviewer: can you explain these gaps in your resume?
me: umm I believe those are from the space bar
— pat. (@PatsATweetin) June 18, 2021