It’s Friday and with a little bit of luck we might even be able to pretend that there are about 60 hours of total relaxation ahead of us. Which of course is completely sufficient to recover from another week of labor in a system in which calculations about whether a plane should do an unplanned landing in case of a medical emergency (haha no) or simply pay a compensation and keep the flight plan exist. In fact, we all know we’re going to spend at least 12 of those 60 hours trying to figure out how to avoid bumping into that one neighbor who is wearing nothing but the same shorts from May to October looking for a nice little chat. But hey, it could be a lot worse. For example we could live in California, where currently another drought continues to choke the southwest of the country – which of course has absolutely nothing to do with any man-made climatic extremes. But don’t worry, dear Californians. Your tap water (if there is) may taste a little weird, but you know the old saying: If life gives you lemons, make it whitewasher for drinking water! Whatever you do, please do not forget to have a little fun with the best Tweets from today!
forget gender we should divide bathrooms into pooping and peeing
— Matthew Elliot (@matttbastard) June 21, 2021
Oh ok pic.twitter.com/WrThZCZDyR
— 🚩Sarah ( General Secretary )🚩☭🍊 (@commieactivity) June 23, 2021
I’ll say it again: I come from the right-wing media world. The modus operandi of that world is to feed your audience’s grievances, get em really angry, & scare the shit out of em. Not proud of it, but I used to do it at times as well.
Today, it’s ALL they do. And it’s dangerous.
— Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) June 25, 2021
If I ever become pregnant, I’m going to throw a gender reveal party and reveal that gender is a social construct. I will have slides, and there will be a quiz.
— Jaclyn A. Siegel, PhD (@jacasiegel) June 23, 2021
pretending to be excited to watch my kid jump in the pool for the 10,000th time pic.twitter.com/BchVxLlfQj
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 25, 2021
the most dangerous game to play is “resting your eyes” in the morning after shutting off your alarm 😭😭
— phelixxx 💫💫💫 (@phelixxx__) June 23, 2021
No I actually sleep better with this pile of unfolded laundry next to me
— Emma Ketchum (@emmaketchup7) June 24, 2021
achilles would have gotten his shit absolutely rocked by a razor scooter
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) June 24, 2021
“ur password is weak” well so is my memory so please let me keep it
— 𝙰𝙽𝚄𝚁𝙰𝙶 (@_anuraggg) June 24, 2021
my initial guess was incest but this is somehow worse https://t.co/UqAK99lAVx
— Brado (@hmmonmyway) June 23, 2021