Good evening everyone, the paradoxical feeling you are experiencing right now, if not the calender, is telling: It is Sunday. The day you do nothing after doing too much the rest of the week and despise yourself in the evening for having done nothing all day and therefore having too much to do the next week. Well it’s a strange world that we live in. If you need more evidence, check out laughing luggage, a lying doormat, and an elder from The Village. Have fun with today’s best Tweets!
she FINALLY texted me after 20 hours now ima make her wait 40 seconds 😭
— juju 💰 (@ihyjuju) June 26, 2021
Trying to convince my indoor cats that the outside world is dangerous every time I re-enter my home makes me feel like I’m an elder from The Village
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) June 26, 2021
I keep reading about people who got into great shape or stopped drinking or turned their hobby into a business during the pandemic. I did whatever the opposite of that is.
— Julie Klam (@JulieKlam) June 26, 2021
my professor scared me for a second pic.twitter.com/vXhYddH0BM
— Hurt CoPain (@SaeedDiCaprio) June 26, 2021
BREAKING: my husband was just talking to a casual acquaintance whose name he couldn’t remember, so he said “I’m sorry I forget your name?” and the guy told him his name. I didn’t know you could do that??
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 26, 2021
The guy next to me on my flight sat down , fell asleep immediately and didn’t wake up until we landed
I’m still seething w jealousy
— Diedrich Bader (@bader_diedrich) June 26, 2021
my mom and I were driving and I decided to call my grandma and my grandma was like “hey sweetie I can’t talk right now, your mom’s at my door” and i was like “grandma I’m driving with my mom right now” and my grandma just said “oh darn you caught me, I just don’t want to talk”
— Colleen (@Coll3enG) June 26, 2021
Don’t be fooled by the welcome mat in front of my door, I don’t mean it
— Stephen Lee (@shopkins776) June 26, 2021
when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he decided to dip into his life savings to pay for gender reaffirming surgeries for me. he told me, «when I die, I will have no use for money. I love you and If I could help set you up for a better life before I die I will be happy»
— keffals (@keffals) June 24, 2021
I set out a suitcase to pack for my flight later today and spotted my 3 year old crawling inside it to hide. I casually zipped it up, yelled «I’M OFF TO THE AIRPORT, EVERYBODY!», and carried it to the car. I’ve circled the block twice and my luggage hasn’t stopped laughing. pic.twitter.com/c6XVPMtOlF
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 25, 2021