Half time is over, we’re approaching the weekend now with full speed. Please put your seats and drinks in the upright position, fasten your seatbelts along with your will to survive this week and pay attention to the Tweets in front of you. Try not to kill your coworker we mean seatmate, it will be all over soon. Thanks for flying with Best of Twitter, we hope to see you again on the other side. Cheers!
I believe clothes should make a statement. For example: mine say “This guy should probably spend more money on clothes”
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) June 1, 2021
cruella deville’s mother being killed by dalmatians is the funniest possible origin story. like what if batman had said “i am going to wear robbers”
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 1, 2021
when all your friends are at a bar that doesn't allow you inside because one time you brought a chainsaw in there pic.twitter.com/VjeWY7pezm
— Olly iConic (@OllyiConic) June 1, 2021
I still think the worst part about all these Zoom calls is there’s almost no way to know if the person you’re talking to is a centaur
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) June 2, 2021
I like that part of America where if you put mayonnaise on potatoes it becomes a salad.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 31, 2021
me: i’m sick of working from home
company: come back into the office
me: ok that is not what i meant
— tatum (@50FirstTates) June 2, 2021
nurse: first or second dose?
me: (levitating toward her) seventh.
— jackothy (@HansGrubertron) June 2, 2021
Every cop show: damn, this serial killer is crafty, very smart and sneaky
Every true crime podcast: despite dozens of complaints from neighbors, it took over a year for police to investigate the source of the foul odor
— Anosognosiogenesis (@pookleblinky) June 2, 2021
My friends and I coming out of quarantine pic.twitter.com/tIxnRkoIpy
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) June 2, 2021
This meeting could have been an email. That email could have been a fistfight in the alley
— Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) June 2, 2021