Once again we survived the infamous Monday, but given the state the world is in, it feels a bit like getting off the Titanic, just to realize the wooden plank isn’t as comfortable as it looked. Too specific? Yes, I had a bad dream, why do you ask? Anyway, our gems are not only comfortable, sometimes they’re even funny. Enjoy!
#1:
I'm having trouble perfecting my tinder bio
My husband isn't helping with the wording as much as I hoped he would
— Jude D (@heyitsJudeD) June 27, 2020
#2:
Once a boy in my class ate raw onions and breathed in my face at lunch and a teacher laughed and said he probably really liked me and I decided then that being liked was not something I was interested in
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) June 30, 2020
#3:
[sitting on the pilot’s lap] thank you I feel much safer here
— Swim Jeansđź‘– (@ShortSleeveSuit) June 27, 2020
#4:
people wearing masks without covering their nose pic.twitter.com/0pS7VvMEEK
— Quinn (@ItsQuinnMoore) June 28, 2020
#5:
Mom: you’ll regret those tattoos
Me: ok boomer whatever
[later, in a police lineup]
Detective: the murderer has po, the red teletubby on his ass
— Glenn (@Shenaniglenns) June 29, 2020
#6:
[snorting cocaine off a public toilet] DOES ANYONE HAVE HAND SANITIZER?
— mo (@chuuew) June 25, 2020
#7:
This morning I discovered that I signed up for Massage Envy years ago and completely forgot about it. I just called to cancel my account and now I've got 60 days to have 60 massages. I've been training my whole life for this.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 29, 2020
#8:
You’re born with your Facebook, but you can pick your Twitter.
— Holdin on a Hill (currently forming own country) (@HoldinCoffeeld) June 27, 2020
#9:
There should be a hand sign you can throw when you’re checking out a guy’s dog and not him
— Rebel Elle™ (@RealRebelElle) June 29, 2020
#10:
As someone who is ugly I personally do not mind wearing a mask because it covers half of my face
— brielle (@brielle_ad) June 28, 2020
