Hello, we’re glad that you’re back. No, not you Monday! Go away! Nobody likes you. Jesus, he does this every time and it is as annoying as a bear riding a tiny clown bicycle and jumping through a ring of fire, while a bunch of Oompa-Loompas dance and sing a chipmunk version of Get Lucky. Anyway, back to business. Here are our 10 gems for today.
stop killing doves to make soap
— chet (@methwaffles) June 5, 2021
please stop asking me what my summer plans are, I liked it better when everyone was saying stuff like you're doing amazing for just existing during these times
— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 3, 2021
at walmart, a guy riding an electric scooter holding a chihuahua went past me and said his dog was “looking for a new mom” and “likes redheads”
— ginger (@reddhotriot) June 5, 2021
People say “you’re autistic? Does that mean you take everything literally?”
And I’m like “nah, that’s kleptomaniacs”
— Definitely Craig (@Bedo76) June 3, 2021
30 is a funny age to be bc you have friends that are millionaires, friends that are still figuring it out, friends w 3 kids, friends that live w their parents, friends that are married, friends that are divorcing, friends that are bankers, friends that are e-girls etc
— MARLEY 💡 (@GirlNamedMarley) June 5, 2021
Psst – The way capitalists treated the lower classes during COVID (utter disregard for mass death / displacement) is our preview of how shit is gonna play out with the climate crisis
— cathy *acab forever* humes (@CrappyFumes) June 4, 2021
Imagine waking up here but it's a SAW trap pic.twitter.com/UCqRjScONu
— Jorge Molina (@colormejorge) June 5, 2021
Dancing on My Own is the Sweet Caroline for Gay people.
— Hunter (@Huntwherever) June 6, 2021
Simulating a boyfriend by making my stuffed animals read a wikipedia page about waterpark accidents
— helena (@freshhel) June 6, 2021
Just saw a 70+ year old finger gunning everyone he passed as he walked down the street. He looked so happy I decided to give it a go myself. 5/5 stars, definitely recommend.
— bacon popsicle 💡 (@Gupton68) June 2, 2021