So we meet again, Monday. My old friend. My even older enemy. Sometimes the beginning of a week feels like a scene from one of those old western movies, where two unwashed (but very handsome) guys stand 50 feet apart from each other. Both waiting who is drawing first. Of course Monday always wins, which doesn’t result in the peaceful and eternal freedom of death, but in crawling back to work and suffering through another four days ,until the weekend comes to the rescue. And to rescue at least your well deserved free evening, here are our gems. Have a cold one in the next saloon and enjoy!
If you ever hear a parent say, “oh, good! it comes with glitter!” know that it is not, in fact, good.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 28, 2021
When my 4 year old gets tired she can’t stop crying and gets angry about literally everything, and people keep saying that she’ll get better as she gets older but seeing as I’m basically her 30 years later, I don’t think these people know what they’re talking about.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) March 1, 2021
"i acknowledge that i have read and agree to the above terms and conditions" pic.twitter.com/Ny0PLvQlZ3
— Waxou (@maxoupial) March 1, 2021
someone could apologize for running me over with their car and while bleeding profusely id still say “oh, no you’re fine”
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 1, 2021
Friend: You've been acting different since you found $20 in your coat pocket
Me, googling "truffle water":
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) February 28, 2021
And just like that I turned into a person that calls people to come look at the bird feeder.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 28, 2021
Oh look! Something I worried myself sick over doesn’t even fucking matter.
— contrary_mary (@sordid_mary) February 28, 2021
wtf were people doing 200 years ago "the early bird gets the worm" "there's more than one way to skin a cat" "don't ignore the elephant in the room" just sitting around thinking of weird shit to say about animals
— hype (@TheHyyyype) March 1, 2021
This bird is for real doin the Humpty Dance… pic.twitter.com/AQ625AnPrv
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) March 1, 2021
why do people w glasses look like the cutest baby hamsters when they take them off
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 1, 2021