For everyone who managed to get by Monday without a shed of a tear, you are the real heroes. Unfourtnalety monday will be here again next week, but do you know who else will be here today, tomorrow and next week? No, not the Coronavirus. I mean it will also be here but that’s not what I meant. We will, your Best of Twitter and all it’s juicy dailies and topics. Enjoy today’s hand-picked, “Best of Twitter from Today»!
#1:
This is going to sound kinda mad, but this week, pls consider making your weekly takeout a Chinese takeaway. My family’s businesses have all been impacted hugely by coronavirus panic 😭
— Michelle Chai (@winyeemichelle) March 9, 2020
#2:
dollar store: everything is a dollar 🙂
me: how about this bag of chips that says it’s two dolla-
dollar store: hey man how about u shut the fuck up. how about that
— randy (@randypaint) March 9, 2020
#3:
Toddler: we watch peed her pants
Me: you peed your pants?
Toddler: no PEED HER PANTS
Me: who peed her pants!?
Toddler: we watch PEED HER PANTS!!!
Me: Peter Pan?
Toddler: ya peed her pants
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) March 9, 2020
#4:
Interviewer: Why do you want to work for Facebook?
Me: I'm keen on protecting people's data and want them to have a good user experience
Interviewer:
Me:
Interviewer:
Me: haha I'm joking I don't give a shit
Interviewer: haha omg I was like whaaatttt lmao
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) March 9, 2020
#5:
girls turn 18 and instantly make an onlyfans, damn bitch were those your onlyplans?
— Corn 🦦 (@sn00ted) March 9, 2020
#6:
by age 25, you should have:
-a failed youtube career
-a foreign film you watched accidently yet always recommend
-an unfinished 12 chapter fanfiction
-an unfounded hatred of tik tok
-had enough— elle on deck (@ellewasamistake) March 8, 2020
#7:
Corona got these flights cheap as hell I gotta job interview in Greece Monday
— Nicholas Gerr PhD. (@TrilliamClinton) March 9, 2020
#8:
A relative in China messaged me concerned about the spread of the coronavirus in the US and urged me that if I feel sick to go get free testing & treatment like how ppl did in China. I had to break it to him that the US does not give out free healthcare under any circumstance lol
— . (@muqingmq) March 8, 2020
#9:
what you thought adulthood was going to be:
– parties
– sex
– doing whatever you wantwhat adulthood actually is:
– cancelling plans
– deciding what to eat
– trying to distract yourself from the emptiness inside
-laundry— moose 🦌 (@tiemoose) March 9, 2020
#10:
Only 4 students showed up to class, he pissed 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/40hPrz6Art
— Elle ✺ (@chepelle) March 9, 2020
