To all the men out there who haven’t been quarantined at their favorite bar. To all self-made women who are able to achieve the maximum performance on their own to build an IKEA cabinet: Today is National Worship of Tools Day in the USA. So people, pay homage to your tools, any tools! Whether screwdriver tools for the car, kitchen utensils, the hammer that has already helped with an annoying husband or the «tools» in the bed drawer. Or our tool for fun, The Daily!
The people who say “life’s not fair, get over it” are usually the people who are directly making life unfair.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) March 10, 2020
guy: i made some dark beer
friend: what will u call it
friend: cool name
guy: thanks, it’s also what i’ll call my giant book of world records
friend: wait what
— randy (@randypaint) March 10, 2020
You’re booking your flight to Italy because it’s only $500. I’m booking my flight to Italy because there’s a chance I can get “sick” (free health care!!), lose 10 pounds (skinny legend!!) and get quarantined (additional 2 weeks of vacation!!!).
We are not the same sis
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) March 10, 2020
JOE BIDEN LITERALLY SAID HE'LL VETO MEDICARE FOR ALL.
DURING THE CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK.
THIS MAN IS NOT ELECTABLE IN NOVEMBER.
— Dave Vader (@thisisjustaride) March 10, 2020
me and my coworkers logging into all of our meetings remotely for the next couple of weeks pic.twitter.com/fpOYiHJLcl
— isha (@ikasliwal) March 9, 2020
Man, it looks like the midwest is really taking a pounding. https://t.co/87QwmValqA
— Jason Howerton (@jason_howerton) March 9, 2020
Please tell me your embarrassing sex stories so i feel better. I just thought about the time a few years ago when a guy went down on me and we made eye contact and I waved for some reason
— Erica (@eerrriiicaa) March 10, 2020
I don't understand why it's so hard for me to make new friends. I say to myself in my pajama pants, in my house all day, with my ringer off.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) March 10, 2020
Tesla should have a mega rave cave under the Berlin Gigafatory
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 10, 2020