Three days. It took Berlin three days, to go from „we survived the wall, suck it up, expats.“ to „we’ll contain our bus drivers and don’t even think about visiting a museum.“ So we can’t even talk to our bus drivers now, meaning I don’t know which person to eat first in case of an emergency and there’s only five-layer toilet paper left to buy. I’ll die hungry, but very comfortable and broke. Hope you guys are all doing fine and enjoy our daily.
Captain: ALL HANDS ON DECK
CDC: you better fuckin not
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) March 13, 2020
aragorn: you have my sword
legolas: and my bow
gimli: and my axe
WHO: omg please stop sharing your stuff
— Kayleecious🍧 (@TweetsByKaylee) March 13, 2020
I would share my last toilet roll with you.
— Lady M ❤ (@LadyM_07) March 13, 2020
Host: Congratulations! You won the hot dog eating contest!
Me: *mouth full, sitting off to the side of the stage* The what?
— the drake gatsby ☘️ (@DrakeGatsby) March 13, 2020
Day 1: Staying at home, avoiding social gatherings, and eating food I have hoarded
Day 50: Continuing with this process
Day 100: Still feeling ok
Day 2500: Now a global virus has arrived and others are doing what I do
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) March 13, 2020
In honor of Friday the 13th, I too will be horny & get murdered in an abandoned summer camp.
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) March 13, 2020
very weird that years of discounting and discrediting scientists, journalists, healthcare professionals, educators, etc could somehow backfire??? on our society?? shocking. baffling. dare I say it? bamboozling.
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) March 13, 2020
I have been informed by a relative who is a middle school teacher that students are now referring to coronavirus as the “boomer remover”
— B. W. Carlin (@BaileyCarlin) March 12, 2020
Make friends with an enemy today. Hug them. Caress their cheek. Lick their eyeball. Cough directly into their mouth.
— Brother Ben (@SentenceReduced) March 13, 2020
I'm still not self-isolating. I want to go in the first wave of the zombie apocalypse.
— 🐚 ⬅️ Shell (@ShellHasDragons) March 12, 2020