Ah, f*ck! It’s monday AGAIN. Anyone else feeling not prepared for this shit? Let’s throw some cash together for a dolphin-assisted group therapy. Sounds odd? Well, of course you can continue drinkin‘ beer, booze and cry like a little girl every monday if you want to. But it’s not quite as charming as swimming around with flipper and his ocean gang. Don’t you think? Anyway, let’s have a look at our gems for today.
this french guy filled his tub with orbeez then had no idea how to get rid of them so he just pulled the plug which resulted in orbeez overflowing both in his toilet and sink 😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/F1nEDIDBZF
— sakura’s divorce lawyer (@yuqheis) March 1, 2020
Coronavirus makes clear what has been true all along. Your health is as safe as that of the worst-insured, worst-cared-for person in your society. It will be decided by the height of the floor, not the ceiling.
— Anand Giridharadas (@AnandWrites) February 27, 2020
I don’t think people realize how many service industry workers will continue going to work, cooking and serving your food, cleaning your houses, and selling you respirators, with flu-like symptoms because they don’t have paid sick days.
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) February 27, 2020
He really do be fist bumping tho 👊 pic.twitter.com/QeD0o4e4D0
— Betch (@betchvideo) February 26, 2020
Yesterday I scalded my hand at work when boiling water sloshed over the side of a mug. I made some joke about being clumsy to the kind scientist who was offering me first aid. Then he looked me in the eye and said in the most serious tone:
“We are all victims of physics.”
— Laurel Hamers (@Arboreal_Laurel) February 26, 2020
interviewer: do u have any office experience
me: oh yah ive watched that show like 50 times
interviewer: [looks at the camera]
— Napoleon Vegemite (@NapVeg) March 1, 2020
Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good while you’re doing it, but in the end you’re really only fu**ing yourself.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) February 28, 2020
pikachu service announcement pic.twitter.com/jf9NZl51n9
— artsyRC (@rceezus) March 1, 2020
One of our kittens is a bit of a drama queen pic.twitter.com/oklQb6eTae
— Kittens (@kittensfolder) February 27, 2020
scientology: we are all immortal alien spirits called thetans
everyone: lmao no we are not
tom cruise: how do i get extremely involved in this
— randy (@randypaint) February 27, 2020