Isn’t home office wonderful? No commute to work, sleep longer, no colleagues, a long coffee break in between without a guilty conscience. Lovely. With children, of course, the whole thing looks different again. Or as a couple. But if even the work in the home office is not relieving and relaxing, then maybe we have the solution for you with our Daily! We have a tip for you today on how to be a true hero or how to make new friends even in quarantine.
me: 1 ticket to your horniest movie
employee: sir, youre clearly 3 toddlers in a trenchcoat
employee: *opening my coat* why are the toddlers also wearing trenchcoats
me: each toddler is 3 babies
employee: hey this guy is 9 babies
me: [babies] let us see trolls 2
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) March 24, 2020
My husband went to the grocery store yesterday. They actually had toilet paper, but we don’t need toilet paper, so he didn’t buy any toilet paper. He is my hero.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) March 24, 2020
I’m sorry but if people such as fast food and grocery store workers are considered to be “essential workers” during a global pandemic then they deserve way more than $15 a fucking hour.
— Fast Food Worker Stan Account 🌹 (@GregoryHardinII) March 22, 2020
The guy im dating just texted me this and ive never been more turned on pic.twitter.com/9ErRf1pR9Y
— kendra (@kendraaaleighh) March 25, 2020
Coronavirus: For years neoliberals sought a minimalist state, attacked the public services, promoted speculation & free markets. Free markets & billionaires have not rescued them. Only the state & public services stand between them and economic oblivion. Time for a change.
— Prem Sikka (@premnsikka) March 22, 2020
We’ve successfully migrated our operations to home office. Just give us a call, if you got any questions. ✌️
You can reach us via Yellow-Purple-Green-Green-Blue. 📞 pic.twitter.com/xHjgR2I0Fs
— Deck13 (@Deck13_de) March 17, 2020
During lockdown, while many other artists are doing mini-concerts from their homes, I thought I’d do you all a favour and not.
— James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) March 25, 2020
ME: Oh my god, it’s so nice to have company after so long. Please come in, we’re best friends now
— Michael, Quarantine Edition 🌶 (@Home_Halfway) March 24, 2020
just a reminder that if your fellow self quarantining neighbors are being too loud you might be able to connect to their Bluetooth speaker
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) March 24, 2020
1979: I bet there’ll be flying cars in the future
— You Have One Job, Stay Indoors (@_youhadonejob1) March 23, 2020