Hello again, dear friends of extremely funny and interesting messages. What could we possibly write about on this unpleasantly ordinary Tuesday. All the ridiculous things are gone. No more giant ships stuck somewhere, no more ferrets pretending to be president, no more climate disasters no one care’s about… wait, ok, there’s still something left, we see. But let’s focus on the good stuff. Today, we got a women starting a fixing-service for the older ones, a man that discovered the secret of cookie dough, and Luke who found the right temperature! Please enjoy the best Tweets from today!
Dec 2020: we’ve invented Covid vaccines within a year, that’s amazing
Feb 2021: wow we’ve landed a craft on Mars, that’s incredible
March 2021: please, the big boat, it’s very stuck
— Dr Alice Lilly (@aliceolilly) March 28, 2021
I’m scared to date a fit dude. I don’t want to drink my breakfast. And what if he wears sleeveless hoodies?
— Certified Lover Girl (@PersnicketyK) March 30, 2021
can’t wait to put “fully vaccinated” on my dating profiles like an adoptable dog
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) March 27, 2021
Nigga…. this restaurant has a dessert on the menu called “baked cookie dough”… now I’m no genius, but ain’t that a fuckin cookie??
— HollywoodChris™ (@Talk_2_Em_Chris) March 29, 2021
I know this is a minority position but I love the goofy intro sentences students write. Since the dawn of time, humans have wondered about the mind. fuckin tell me about it man
— bean (@christapeterso) March 30, 2021
My dog just yawned while my husband was talking to him and I totally get it.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 29, 2021
being mean is so embarrassing, like why don’t u just wear a sign that says “i’m insecure and I hate myself”
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 29, 2021
What other people's kids say when sleeping in bunk beds: "I call top bunk!"
What my kids say: "It's over, Anakin! I have the high ground."
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 30, 2021
Who wants to feel old?
My daughter is friends with a girl named Eowyn and when I said «oh that’s a pretty name» my daughter replied with «yeah she says it’s from this old movie her mom likes.
Me: I know the movie
Her: oh did you see it? it came out a long time ago.
— Elle M. (they/them) (@ellle_em) March 28, 2021
“You don’t want children?! What will you do when you’re old???”
When I’m old: pic.twitter.com/JX49KEqaKv
— Kara Head (@KaraonTW) March 29, 2021