Humanity sometimes results in really strange outcomes. In this Daily, we have a history lesson for you to learn more about the fact that people can still be dug up and put to trial after death. In addition, we have another confessed electoral fraud for you, but he has acted in everyone’s best interest. Praise him! Now have fun!
so in your relationship which one is the dragon and which one is the donkey
— nicky the friendly shark (@mostlysharks) March 3, 2020
My grandpa is 84 and half blind, probably gonna be the last time he’s able to vote for a president so I was honored to help him do his ballot. He asked me to cast his vote for Biden but I figured that’s probably the dementia talking so I put Bernie down instead. Not Me, Us baby
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) March 3, 2020
[stock market goes up]
bankers: we are so good at this
[stock market goes down]
bankers: why do poor people keep doing this to us we are victims
— randy (@randypaint) March 3, 2020
will i am: How are the lyrics coming?
Usher: How about “Honey got a booty like pow pow pow”
will i am: Hmm ok
Usher: Follow it up with “Honey got some boobies like ‘wow, oh wow’”
will i am: First of all I love it
— the drake gatsby 📡 (@DrakeGatsby) March 3, 2020
sometimes i think about that time Pope Stephen VI dug up the corpse of Pope Formosus, who had been buried only 7 months, and put him on trial for perjury and illegally acceding to his papacy. just propped him up there, dead as hell, and if you can believe it, found him guilty
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) March 3, 2020
Whenever I worry that I've been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book.
— Professor Snape (@_Snape_) March 3, 2020
should have clarified when i asked for more asian representation in media that i did NOT mean "in the photo of every coronavirus article"
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) March 3, 2020
Her: I’m looking for someone interested in a serious relationship
Me: *taking notes in my trapper keeper with my watermelon scented marker* omg same
— Socktor Hollidre (@sock_holliday) March 2, 2020
if you’ve ever used a frat house bathroom you’re immune to the coronavirus
— Holland Beck (@hollaa_backk) March 2, 2020
I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to a bunch of toys stacked on top of me, which is the toddler’s version of drawing a dick on my forehead.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 3, 2020