«Super Tuesday» is over and after Warren declared to drop out, there are three elephants left in the room: Uncle Biden, the most uncomfortable guy you ever wanna discuss politics with, Bernie «it was just a heart attack» Sanders and «the one we don’t mention», aka the red buffoon. Please enjoy our Daily. If you still can.
#1:
my ex spent most of her life going to auditions and taking classes trying to be an actress but eventually quit cuz she didn’t think she could do it, however she pretended to be in love with me for 2 years so maybe she was more talented than i thought
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) March 4, 2020
#2:
if my kids are ever called to testify against me, there are two equally likely scenerios
-they detail my crime in excruciating detail
-they incorrectly describe the plot of an episode of scooby doo— Pats O› Tweetin ☘️ (@PatsATweetin) March 4, 2020
#3:
ALERT‼️‼️‼️
The corona virus can be spread through money. If you have any money at home, put on some gloves, put all the money in to a plastic bag and put it outside the front door tonight. I’m collecting all the plastic bags tonight for safety. Think of your health.— Pre K ❄️ (@stayfrea_) March 4, 2020
#4:
3yo: dad you have to go to time out.
Me: why?
3yo: you said ‘fuck you.’
Me: no I didn’t.
3yo: pretend that you did.
Me: no.
3yo: do it!
Me: NO!
3yo: DO IT!
Me: fine I said ‘fuck you.’
3yo: MOM! DAD JUST SAID ‘FUCK YOU’ TO ME.
Me: really dude? Fuck you.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 5, 2020
#5:
some guy a long time ago: it’s my birthday
friends: nice. what if we sang u a song about it while we stare at u
guy: i would hate it
friends: oh ya we would too
guy: perfect let’s do that forever
— randy (@randypaint) March 4, 2020
#6:
Jurgen Klopp’s response when asked about Coronavirus is absolutely class.
This is spot on. It’s impossible to dislike this man. 👏 pic.twitter.com/YxHzpO5N0H
— EPL Bible (@EPLBible) March 4, 2020
#7:
They shouldn’t have tried to hold an election AND teach Americans how to wash their hands, all in the same week. It was too much. We were overwhelmed.
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) March 4, 2020
#8:
The train was PACKED today & I’m squeezing myself into the car cause no one wants to move & the yt lady in front of me mutters “nigger” under her breath. I noticed the Louis bag under her shoulder & before I got off the train I poured my entire 32oz iced coffee into her purse.
— 💵Your Father’s God💵 (@madamenamio) March 3, 2020
#9:
Me: I’m bored and kind of sad
My bank account:
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say itMe: I should treat myself
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) March 4, 2020
#10:
women be calling their short boyfriends “King” .. sis that’s lord farquaad
— Luis Vercetti ‘97 (@97Vercetti) March 4, 2020
