It’s finally Friday and I don’t know about you guys but I’m happy that the week is over. This week was long and boring but good thing we got the Best of Twitter to cheer us up! Here are your Top 10 Tweets from Today!
“dream job” bitch i don’t have one i don’t dream about being employed i dream about living in a my own place with lots of plants, cuddling w my s/o n just sleep whenever i want. capitalism is a nightmare
— rocker (@13luvr) March 5, 2020
Me: what are you doing?
Me: when I was growing up it cost us 10 cents to send a text.
Daughter: so you called people instead?
Me: pffft and waste all our monthly minutes?
Daughter: what did you do with your cellphones then?
Me: we mostly played snake.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) March 6, 2020
My neighbor invited me over because my power went out but when I went over he told me he turned off the power to my apartment with the switch box outside. am I wrong in thinking this is creepy or is this actually romantic
— cal? (@cal_gif) March 5, 2020
this whole coronavirus thing has officially scared me enough to get me to start wiping my ass 😭😭😭 not gonna risk it
— chris (@icedoutomnitrix) March 5, 2020
This is the most Florida tweet I’ve ever seen. https://t.co/4Od5fSXTHN
— Daniel (@MyFavsTrash) March 5, 2020
CDC: Stay safe by washing your hands
ENTIRE WORLD: *washes hands obsessively*
CDC: Also brush your teeth
WORLD: *brushes teeth frantically*
CDC: And take out the garbage
WORLD: Wait what?
CDC: Go make your bed
WORLD: Stop it
CDC: That bedroom of yours better be clean
— e4moji 🚀 (@e4moji) March 6, 2020
Just got a spray tan and the girl was like “ok so last time you were here was for your WEDDING! How did that work out?” And I was like “oh haha it didn’t” and then realized she meant the spray tan shade, not the marriage 🙃
— lindsay (@legallylinds) March 5, 2020
i saw 2 blind guys fighting so i yelled “HE GOT A KNIFE!” & they both ran away
— Luis Vercetti ‘97 (@97Vercetti) March 5, 2020
bro watching white couples is so funny the dude will be like “shut the fuck up u ugly whore” and she’ll be like “Conner you’re so funny hahaha” then turn to you like “ugh he gets so spicy when they don’t have his favorite IPA on tap” sis blink twice I’ll help you
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) March 6, 2020
Is the food not put up???? https://t.co/jEoAK6YkVb
— Zach Mullis (@zmullis) March 5, 2020