The weekend is an extremly rare creature. It usually only shows up twice a week, while mean predators like the ruthless Monday and disappointing Wednesday are far more common. It usually gets attracted by the shy but promising Friday, but even then it leaves us all too soon. So let’s appreciate this valuable time we have with it. Especially when it brings nice tweets along. Enjoy!
No I will not apologize for interrupting your wedding by smashing a glass and yelling "he will never love your dog the way I do"
— Rad Tasia, Empress of the Nerds and Losers (@GroovyTasia) March 6, 2020
If it requires another log-in and password, I don’t want it.
— Rock the Kasbah (@MarieLoerzel) March 6, 2020
lost boys: how’d the prank on captain hook go?
peter pan: oh you guys are gonna love this HAHA I cut off his hand LOL and i FED IT TO THE CROCODILE 🙂
peter pan: so funny
lost boys: you’re a sociopath
— Indy 🧞♂️ (@IndecisiveJones) March 6, 2020
I was in a conference video call with a colleague today and kept finding myself looking at the bottom of the screen like it was a YouTube video to see how much was left
— Ayn Randy (@ItsAndyRyan) March 6, 2020
Who would of thought that cruise ships were disease carrying cheese cans
— Stefan Urquelle (@OfficeofSteve) March 6, 2020
There's nowhere to put my lasagna on this treadmill.
— Brother Ben (@SentenceReduced) March 5, 2020
Someone should ask Joe Biden in the next debate if he'd legalize gay marriage just to see if he remembers it's already legal
— Eva ''Buff Girlfriend'' (@ayyy_vuh) March 5, 2020
How come every time I imagine my immune system fighting an illness, it involves swords?
— The Baron (@baronvonbike) March 6, 2020
Me: *sprays her with Lysol*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 5, 2020
Ask him if he’s cold whenever he gets out of the shower. Guys love that.
— Savage🇺🇸 (@SavageAphrodite) March 5, 2020