Feeling tired, exhausted and kinda unmotivated? Don’t worry. It’s not Corona. You’re just suffering from an ancient sickness called: M-O-N-D-A-Y.
Unfortunately there is no real cure or vaccine. It’s like a goddamn cold. You just have to deal with it until it’s over. Again and again. But you can fight the symptoms with beer, pizza and our gems of today.
Scientists: you should wash your hands because of Coronavirus.
People: I'm gonna stop flying, hoard masks, work from home & totally rearrange my life.
Also Scientists: the #ClimateCrisis will kill millions – we must use clean power & change how we get to work.
People: No way.
— Nathaniel Stinnett (@NCStinn) March 4, 2020
Spring is coming💋🖤 pic.twitter.com/yNnT7pm0sV
— Kenya😌 (@CrazyJuice__) March 7, 2020
Parents: panic buying tissues and soap.
— Matthew (@dlglsh) March 7, 2020
JUST FOUND OUT MY SON HAS BEEN USING MY BEARD TRIMMER TO DO HIS BALLS. FUCKING MORTIFIED.
— Col (@Bigshirtlesscol) March 8, 2020
People don’t get crankier as they age – they just become less tolerant of other people’s shit.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) March 8, 2020
Age 16: This incredibly loud and packed house party is awesome
Age 26: This loud trendy bar is awesome
Age 36: People need to speak one at a time at dinner
— Michael 🌶 (@Home_Halfway) March 7, 2020
Tech tip for people who are not as good at computers as me
Let’s say the volume on your computer is too loud so you want to turn it down. Impossible, right? Wrong! It’s easy! Simply place some coats over the speakers. The more coats, the more you’ll lower the volume 👍
— Sir Michael (@Michael1979) March 8, 2020
Flights are so cheap right now that it is entirely plausible to fake your death from Corona Virus, hop on a plane to a foreign country, take on a lover and start on a new life
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) March 9, 2020
Why isn’t porn more realistic? Like why isn’t there one with a husband and wife and the wife chokes violently on her spit and the husband gets alarmed they spend a good 5 mins with her coughing and him smacking her on the back and then the mood is gone so they go get donuts?
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 8, 2020
you don’t “hate Mondays” you hate this system that forces u to spend the majority of ur life providing labor to a company that doesn’t care about u. You don’t even know what all your work is accomplishing and ur job title is just buzzwords?? “Administrative Specialist” like cmon
— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) March 2, 2020