So not only is it finally Saturday, it’s the day after one of the most important and underrated festivities: Walpurgis Night. We hope you celebrated it with style, flying around on your favourite broom, perhaps joined a nice coven and caught some innocent strangers to entrap their undying souls. And even if you didn’t manage to marry the devil, as it’s customary, you can still enjoy our dark and sinful gems, while sharing a glass of demon blood with your fellow witches. Enjoy!
Who called it a salad with chicken and not breast in plants?
— He Called Me Greenhorn (@WhatsAGreenhorn) April 29, 2021
It was a simpler time pic.twitter.com/HQrwfr8riu
— 🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 (@professorkiosk) April 29, 2021
friend: have you ever been to the opera?
me: no, i don't speak italian
friend: it's not about understanding the words, it's about how you feel
me: i don't feel italian either
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) April 27, 2021
I have a deadline today so you know what that means. Everyone I’ve ever met in my entire life will be receiving a text from me
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) April 30, 2021
I will never understand why people who don’t know you will friend request you on Facebook like bro I’m not here to meet new people I’m here to hate the people I already know
— Shenanigans (@Shenanigans_luv) April 30, 2021
priest: what should people say to start confession?
me: forgive me father, for I have sinned
priest: seems long
me: sorry I was bad, daddy
priest: ok no go back
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) April 28, 2021
Your story reminded me of a related story. Well, not really related. It reminded me I like to be the one talking.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) April 29, 2021
‘hey it’s been so long! how have you been??’ pic.twitter.com/LorVyo2uXc
— nash flynn (@itsnashflynn) April 28, 2021
Getting a new tattoo is essentially putting a time stamp on your nudes
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 26, 2021
"I have 13 PhDs"
Do TV shows and movies understand how….getting a PhD works???
— Nikki Mastrud (@VectorSciNikki) April 29, 2021