At least Mondays happen only once a week, we get it. But why the hell do we have to suffer again and again? One Monday per month seems enough. And to be fair, since lockdown started, each day feels the same anyway. Wait… have we written this kind of introduction before? Holy sh***! Argh! We’re stuck in an endless timeloop. Did you just saw that groundhoug over there? Call 911! We’re doomed!
While we are waiting for a reset, don’t forget to check out our gems for today.
Me adding “in the middle of a fucking pandemic?” to everything I say pic.twitter.com/Hz4eg4Eiwf
— Gat$by (@EJtheG) May 7, 2020
Does anyone else make up fake scenarios every night when they’re trying to sleep or do I need therapy
— Alice (@alicebrigs) May 10, 2020
my dad met my mom for a second, lost her number, remembered she was a nurse, and then called every hospital in the state to ask her out and I can’t even get a text back
— carol (@ballerguy) May 10, 2020
When the right talk about “going back to normal”, they mean low-paid workers going back to service jobs where they can’t social distance and middle class people continuing to work from home but with an expanded range of leisure activities.
— Ash Sarkar (@AyoCaesar) May 10, 2020
insead of paying rent we should just clap for landlords instead. if its good enouth for nuses landlords should have no issue getting by on it.
— 🏳️⚧️🦊cdr maxwell of the 3rd fox fleet🦊🏳️⚧️ (@jkmurcury9) May 9, 2020
Not convinced that we have done all we can to find the the best way to package flour
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) May 10, 2020
We won the war against Coronavirus the same way we won the war against Vietnam. It got too expensive so we pretended that it was over
— Alex Bobe ⭕️ (@alexbbobe) May 2, 2020
People keep mocking fear of COVID but being afraid of massive stroke or suffocating from double pneumonia seems like an entirely reasonable fear to me.
— Bunny Sparber קיניגל שׁפּארבּער (@maxsparber) May 10, 2020
eating a can of joke snakes to liven up my autopsy
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) May 9, 2020
If I was Tarzan, I'd reply to every invitation with "I'll try to swing by." People would hate it. I'd love it.
— Michael 🌶 (@Home_Halfway) May 10, 2020