We hope everyone has a splendid Saturday on this surprisingly uneventful weekend, at least when it comes to politics or a new natural disaster. To make it at least a little bit funny, we were diving through Twitter again and found gems about the new official dogs of the White House, being rich at a McDonald’s, and last not least how to save a friend. Please enjoy!
my friend choking and i cant save em cuz i cant spell himelyck manoover in the youtube search bar quick enough
— ko (@makjako) March 12, 2021
my soulmate is out there somewhere trying to fuck a bowl of mashed potatoes
— minkitypinkity (@minkpinkustink) March 13, 2021
Every raccoon is either planning a heist or in the middle of a heist. pic.twitter.com/g858cdKKGm
— Thinkwert (@Thinkwert) March 12, 2021
Bless the neighborhood FB group where Mrs. P is looking for beginner’s tennis lesson for her son who “likes to hit things”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) March 13, 2021
them: what state are u in?
them: no like where are u?
me: my bed
— tatum (@50FirstTates) March 12, 2021
Direct deposit: $1400
Me at McDonald’s: bring me the clown
— sofi (@yungnastybitch) March 12, 2021
My 12 year old can explain the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath.
I think about that a lot when I’m trying to get to sleep.
— bacon popsicle 🔪 (@Gupton68) March 13, 2021
'I want to gossip but professionally.'
– news anchors
— Ella Zee 🌈👑 (@EllaZee5) March 10, 2021
A thousand waka flockas just stormed the building down the street and y'all are wonderin' why Joe Biden adopted some mean as shit dogs to throw in his front yard? I'd adopt all kinda shit and put it out there. 3 cobras. Buncha foster spiders. A rescue alligator and whatnot.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) March 11, 2021
ME [on mushrooms]: can I pet your dog
LADY: that’s a stroller
ME: who said that
— Swim Jeans👖 (@ShortSleeveSuit) March 12, 2021