Once again it’s Friday and once again we are faced with the difficult decision of what to do this weekend. Or, more precisely, what NOT to do. After all the mere thought of getting out of bed is so tiring that we need a four hour nap to recover from it. Well, if you should dare taking a look out of the window and meet a surprising number of people with heavily loaded shopping bags don’t expect an invitation to a barbecue. It’s probably just a few gallons of gasoline that are being bunkered at home to outwit the current shortage. The best thing to do is to lie down straight away and start the weekend the only real way: with today’s best tweets. Have fun!
Venus fly traps have to put their flowers really far away from their traps so they don’t accidentally kill their pollinators and I love it so much. pic.twitter.com/tTEuoDXSCi
— Hank Green (@hankgreen) May 13, 2021
There are people right now in this nation with plastic shopping bags filled with gasoline in their houses, who won’t take a vaccine because it’s unsafe.
— John Pavlovitz (@johnpavlovitz) May 12, 2021
It’s funny that westerners eat pizza, chips, burgers with their hands but when it’s food from other people’s cultures it’s eww why you eating with ur hands
— Ashleigh (@Goddess0shun) May 13, 2021
No one on earth is fucking with my father’s cologne collection pic.twitter.com/fMtdjyyQA7
— Devin Mann (@MannVs_____) May 13, 2021
My husband is quite a large man and has called the BMI “body manatee index” for a long time. One time, a health care professional asked him if he knew his BMI and he replied “I have a lot of body manatees, that’s for sure” with absolutely no explanation.
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) May 14, 2021
“Nobody wants to work anymore.”
Nobody ever wanted to work at all. We wanted to be productive, be creative, be part of a community, be supported, be validated, and have the time and space to truly rest. No one actually wants to trade in hours of their life to “earn” necessities.
— Emelyne Museaux 🇭🇹 (@plsleaveamsg) May 12, 2021
me before the pandemic: I can do a full day of work and go for drinks and dinner after and then do 4 more full days of work with events and nights out on the weekend and maybe even a workout in the week
me now: if I move I will need to sleep for 14 hours to recover
— flamin nora (@katierpacker) May 12, 2021
Please respect my wishes. pic.twitter.com/NdtVYnULei
— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) May 9, 2021
«sorry I can’t play warzone today, I’ve been conscripted into service at burger king» pic.twitter.com/dlbYmHkmkv
— Wilmington, NC Serpentarium Fan (@cob_is_online) May 13, 2021
A month before our wedding, our hotel called and asked if we’d give up our wedding suite for a “celebrity” who wanted to stay in it long term. We said no. On our wedding weekend, we saw Nicolas Cage walking around our hotel. Nic Cage tried to ruin my wedding and that’s my story.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) May 13, 2021