Hello everyone. So it’s Friday, finally getting home from work (converting the home office chair to the living room chair by moving it two feet) and enjoying the change of location (looking out of the other window for a few hours). And if that’s not thrilling enough, here’s our Daily. Please enjoy!
I forgot the word for Pantry and I called it the Food Garage.
— Possum Kingdom (@aissalanis) May 14, 2020
My coworkers are getting fed up with me bc I begin each zoom meeting by spinning around in my chair, fingers steepled, cackling “at last, we meet again”
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) May 13, 2020
literally cannot stop thinking about the phrasing of this pic.twitter.com/o6sHrPCPu7
— boy on boy girl on girl (@yimmygee) May 14, 2020
One of my students really wrote a sentence that begins, "In the late 1900s.” I had to re-read it three times to realize what the heck was going on. My feelings are hurt.
— Sarah J. Jackson (@sjjphd) May 14, 2020
REAL men don’t need a MASK when we go to the store because we’re not SCARED. All we need is an ASSAULT RIFLE and maybe a ROCKET LAUNCHER in case the YOGURT tries anything STUPID
— Dan Amira (@DanAmira) May 13, 2020
really grinds my gears when babies have that lil soft spot .. you were in there for 9 months and couldn’t finish making your head ?
— i praydalor my sodakeep (@AlmondTiddies) May 14, 2020
[a parasite moves into my body]
me: hey sorry about the mess
— thomas (@thombodytolove) May 14, 2020
Batman: look, the bank robbers left some kind of clue
Riddler: [from bushes] it's a riddle
— Elvish Presley (@_elvishpresley_) May 13, 2020
[Commercial for tables]
Narrator: *as a plate of food hits the floor* Are you tired of this?
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) May 13, 2020
plumber: i've come to do the pipes
salazar slytherin: make sure they're big enough for a giant snake
salazar slytherin: no reason
— hey buddy (@ComicsHey) May 14, 2020