It’s the first Saturday in Berlin with nearly everything open again. I’ve just been to the farmers market, getting some basic fruits and two pieces of bread, how much can it be? Long story short: If anyone has a spare kidney for me to sell, DMs are open. In exchange, here’s our Daily. Have fun!
Pay 8 dollars shipping or spend 100 more dollars for free shipping? I think the choice is pretty fucken clear
— Sweatpants Cher ⚫️ (@House_Feminist) May 15, 2020
gf: don't tell my dad you sell drugs
gf's dad: so what do you do?
me: i give out free drugs
— hey buddy (@ComicsHey) May 15, 2020
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a garbage can, digging out the box because it turns out I do still need the directions.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 15, 2020
HER: I was partying every night. That was a really dark time for me.
ME: Yeah, I get it. I am also aware of how night works.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) May 16, 2020
imagine how terrible a granddaughter you have to be to visit your grandma so infrequently that you can't tell it's a wolf dressed in her clothes and not her
— hype (discount the devil) (@TheHyyyype) May 15, 2020
When I told the butcher how much bacon I wanted, he laughed and said, “big family, huh.” Not so, my man. A very small one. And they were never around. Just give me the bacon. I need this
— Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) May 15, 2020
me seeing a spider before quarantine: oh no
me seeing a spider now: thanks for stopping by
— meh (@bonehugsnirony) May 14, 2020
Maybe I’m in a truman show scenario and this pandemic is all due to a studio budget cut
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) May 16, 2020
republicans: life is sacred
also republicans: cough directly into your gam gam’s mouth to restart the stock market
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) May 15, 2020
Everyone at this cigarette store is wearing a mask and social distancing so we don't get sick.
— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) May 15, 2020